“One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.” Psalm 27: 4
Lately, I’ve been struggling in my relationship with the Lord. As a newlywed, it’s been wonderful the last 7 months to have a godly man lead me in Bible reading and prayer, to point me to Christ and remind me of the great truths of Scripture. (And ladies, let me tell you, it is worth every aching moment of loneliness to wait for a husband that loves Jesus more than you.) But in spite of having his godly leadership and example, I’ve found myself not actively seeking Christ. I’ve been coasting along in the wake of his sincere pursuit of Christ. I could give all sorts of excuses (the usual ones of busyness or preoccupation), but there really is no excuse for not seeking God’s kingdom above my own.
I don’t think that someone looking at my life would be able to say that I have not been seeking God. I’ve still had my daily quiet time, repented when wrong, and forgiven when I’ve been wronged… But I can tell. There is distance in my heart. I feel disconnected from God.
When I was single, my relationship with Jesus was so close because I had nowhere else to turn (of course, I had friends and family but they had their own lives to worry about). I was often forced to my knees when faced with a decision or heartbreak or just general loneliness. It was good, hard, and life-transforming. I saw the Lord work in so many ways over the years of trusting and turning to him for everything. I was able to be (whether I wanted it or not) the undistracted unmarried woman of 1 Corinthians 7:34, concerned about the things of the Lord.
Now as a married woman, my focus is divided. I’m concerned about keeping my husband happy and encouraged. I am tempted to turn only to him for comfort and wisdom. To some degree this is good since he and I are called to be one flesh, but it is not ultimate. There is only so much that my wonderful man can do. He was not created to fill the need in my life for a Savior. Only Christ is able to give me deep joy, lasting peace and real comfort. He does this through means sometimes (like friends, family, and/or a husband) but ultimately, if I’m not seeking Him with my whole heart my joy, peace, and comfort are going to fade quickly.
On my desktop background, I have a quote from C. S. Lewis that has served to remind me to seek after the One who loved me long before my husband knew me. It says:
“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)
So my friends, let me encourage you to seek hard after Christ. Use your time of singleness to be undistracted and grow close to Jesus. Let your relationship with Him grow so deep that when/if you do marry you will miss it and long for it, and then you will be grateful for it and still seek after it.
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:1-8