Tag Archives: marriage

The Fruit of the Spirit is: Joy

Posted on May 7, 2013 by | Leave a comment

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But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23

Happy Monday, friends! Today I am continuing the Fruit of the Spirit Series, and focusing on joy. Throughout the Bible there are many verses that speak of having joy. However, being joyful is not always easy. Of course when things are going great it is easy to rejoice, but when circumstances are not what you want them to be that command can be hard to obey.

Philippians 4:4 states, “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Note, that this verse does not tell us to only be joyful in the good times but to be joyful always no matter what comes our way. All of us have been through seasons where certain struggles tempt us to be less joyful than others. In my own life recently I have had some health problems, and some days I do not feel like having joy in the midst of them. Other examples could be struggling to find joy in your singleness, the mundane of your job, your marriage, etc. Thankfully, we have the word of God that leads, guides, and helps us to find the joy of Christ each and every day in these and any other situations we may face.

An excellent example in Scripture of a person who displayed joy in good times and in difficult ones was Paul. Paul experienced many hardships and sufferings while following Christ, and Scripture tells us that he dealt with a “thorn in the flesh,” but through it all he remained joyful. Paul tells the secret to this joy and contentment in a letter he wrote to the church of Philippi. Philippians 4:11-13 states, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” With Christ, we can endure anything because of His strength that promises to sustain us through whatever comes.

No matter what is going on in and around you, you can still have joy even in the worst of times. That is when Christ can shine the most. It is easy to get caught up in what we want, and be selfish. It is also easy to think that a joyful life is defined by a series of good moments and fulfilled desires. However, life is really defined by the work Jesus Christ is doing in you, and how He allows the “not so good moments” to mature you.

I want to encourage you today to not let your circumstances steal your joy. Be thankful for what God has given you. Spend time reading His word daily and ask him to give you His never-ending joy, and follow His command to rejoice always!  If you do this, the weight of your worries will lessen, and life will suddenly seem brighter. Be encouraged that in his presence their is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11), and remember that God works out ALL things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I am praying for you today as you put into practice this fruit of the spirit and embrace the joy Christ has for you. I ask that you pray the same for me.

                                                                                             Amelia McNeilly

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Archive April: Who Gives This Woman?

Posted on April 8, 2013 by | Leave a comment

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Originally Posted on: December 10, 2012

I was never a girl scout, but I like to be prepared. I’m not a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. So I make lists, lots of lists.  I have to-do lists, grocery lists, prayer lists, reading lists, packing lists, hit lists (I’m kidding on that last one… just seeing if you’re paying attention).  My favorite list is my annual Christmas list of gifts for my family and friends. I have another list, too. It’s a list of the characteristics I desire in my husband. Before you chastise me for being picky, let me explain – and go ahead and own it, you know you have your own list, even if it’s only a mental one! My list is not superficial. It’s essentially a prayer list and has everything to do with my future husband’s character and nothing to do with his material possessions, social status, or stunning good looks.

Throughout Scripture, God reveals numerous characteristics of manhood that he desires his adopted sons to develop, and we as their sisters in Christ should encourage and seek these God-honoring qualities in the men we date and eventually marry. So, I ask God to develop these characteristics in my future husband, knowing that they will be good for him and eventually for our family, and I pray that God will protect him from temptations that hinder these characteristics, such as greed, pornography, laziness, arrogance, and the wiles of unscrupulous women. Amelia wrote about praying for our future husbands in a post on Our Single Purpose earlier this year, so I won’t re-hash it here. If you’re wondering where to begin praying for your husband, check out Amelia’s post.

In addition to the list of characteristics that I want in my future husband, there’s something that I ask for him when I talk with the Lord about him. I ask that God will shape me into a gift for him, a blessing, a treasure to be cherished and guarded (Prov. 5.18; 12.4; 31.10). So often our expectations for our husbands both before and after marriage can be self-centered, even if the characteristics we seek are good. We want their strength, leadership, love, and protection. While these are qualities our husbands should possess and cultivate, if we merely see them as how they will benefit us, we will neglect cultivating our own characters in ways that will bless and encourage them. If marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church, then asking God to prepare us for marriage can be something of a reflection of how he is sanctifying the church to prepare her for Christ’s return, when he will present her spotless before the Father (Rev. 19.7-8; 2 Corinthians 11.2).

So I pray that the Lord will teach me to be humble, not quarrelsome but peaceable, and gentle. I pray that he will give me inner beauty that comes from resting in Christ, peace, courage, understanding, wisdom, discernment, strength, resourcefulness, faithfulness, and a number of other qualities of womanhood we find in God’s Word. I ask God to make me fit for my husband, so that I’ll be a help to him and not a hindrance, eager to serve God beside him. I pray that he is shaping me even in small ways that I may not notice now but will be essential to a marriage that reflects Jesus’ relationship to the Church and will stand firm in a culture that devalues marriage at every turn (Eph. 5.22-33). When my husband thinks longingly of his earthly home, I want him to think, not of his man cave, but of me and find comfort and peace there.

Four Old Testament couples inspired me to begin praying this way: Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth. First, I love how God placed each of these women in her husband’s life. He formed Eve out of raw material and brought her to a sleeping Adam. He led Abraham’s servant directly to Rebekah, who willingly hopped on a camel against her family’s desires for her to linger, and rode to Isaac while he prayed in a field. God brought Rachel to the well to meet Jacob at the end of a tense escape from his twin’s murderous intents. Through sorrow and difficulty he led Ruth straight to Boaz’s fields. But what moves me even more is how each man reacted to God’s gift of his wife.

When God awakened Adam and he saw Eve for the first time, he rejoiced and worshiped God. After naming all the animals and seeing none that was an appropriate companion for him, he recognized God’s perfectly formed creation, made just for him, in Eve (Gen. 2.18-23). When Isaac saw Rebekah riding up in the caravan, he married her right away, loved her, and was comforted by her presence after mourning his mother’s death (Gen. 24). Jacob kissed Rachel at first sight and wept. He wept! Then he worked 14 years for the privilege of marrying her (Gen. 27.41-45; 29.9-30). Boaz, a little slower to come around than the other three, protected Ruth in her vulnerability, saw the beauty of her resourcefulness and strength in caring for her mother-in-law in a foreign country, and honorably pursued her by working through the proper channels to make her his wife (Ruth 2-4).

These feminine qualities aren’t just for marriage, though. They are becoming of any woman who follows Jesus. So while they will be a gift for a future husband, they are also a gift to the church, my brothers and sisters, married and single, old and young. The womanly qualities I pray for only come through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit; they certainly don’t come naturally to me! I should grow in these qualities of godly womanhood as I mature in my discipleship, regardless of whether I marry, and if I marry, these are the qualities I want my husband to see in me and find attractive. May he see God’s work, and may that drive him to worship God, rejoice, and pursue me with gentlemanly honor. Weeping is optional.

                                                                                              Bethany Wester

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Archive April: Praying For Your Future Husband

Posted on April 6, 2013 by | 1 Comment

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Originally Posted on: April 16, 2012

Proverbs 31:12  states that a wife of noble character is to bring her husband “good not harm all the days of her life.” This verse does not only apply to women who have already met their spouses, but to single women as well. We should be living our life in a way that ultimately glorifies the Lord, and also in a way that would be faithful to a future husband. One way to live this out is by praying for your future husband even before you meet him.

Several years ago I was reminded of the power of prayer in this area after hearing a friend’s testimony.  She shared that one night she woke up at 3am and felt the Lord telling her to pray for her future husband. She spent the remainder of the night in prayer because she knew he was in trouble.  She continued to pray for him daily after that.  A year later, when she was getting to know the man who now is her husband, he told her that he was involved in a car accident that almost took his life.  As he told her the details of how it happened, it was exactly the date and time that the Lord woke her up to pray.  When I heard this story I was reminded that God values and honors our prayers for a husband even when we cannot see what He is doing.

Recently, I read a book  titled “Praying For Your Future Husband,” by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer.  In this, the authors share Biblical encouragement and wisdom on how to pray for your husband and prepare your heart for his.  It also gives ways to pray for your sisters in Christ. I would like to share some of these, and I encourage you to spend some time this week in prayer for your future husband as well as your fellow sisters as we are trying to be the women God has called us to be.

  • Pray for his Heart - Pray that your future husband will give his heart to Jesus Christ. Pray that he will trust the Lord each day to get him through whatever life may bring, and for his thoughts and actions to reflect the love of Christ.   Pray these things also for yourself and your friends.
  • Pray for Strength - Pray that your future husband will have inner-spiritual strength and that the Lord will give him strength to fight temptations and difficulties.  Pray that the Lord will mold him into the leader he needs to be. Also, pray the same things for yourself and your friends. Pray that God will give you strength in areas where you are weakest and allow His strength to make you strong.
  • Pray for Loyalty and Faithfulness - Pray that your future husband will be faithful to the Lord in every area of his life.  Pray also that he is loyal to the friendships that God has already given him, and pray that he is already faithful to you.  Pray these things for yourself and your friends.
  • Pray for Protection - Pray that your future husband will be protected from the evil one.  Pray that he puts on the armor of God each day and for the Lord to help him fight not only the outward sources that try to bring him down but also the sin nature inside.  Also, pray the same protection each day for yourself and your friends.
  •  Pray for Contentment - Pray that your future husband will be content, and have patience as he waits for God to lead him to you.  Pray that his heart will not be hardened during this time, but instead that he grow closer in his relationship with Christ. Pray that he spends his time focusing on serving Christ and others, and not dwelling on being single.  Pray that Christ alone will always be enough.  Pray for the same contentment for yourself and your friends.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Amelia McNeilly

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Archive April: O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Posted on April 2, 2013 by | Leave a comment
Originally Posted on: October 29, 2012 
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O Love That Will Not Let Me Go 
This is a title to a hymn written by George Matheson in 1882. I recently heard the story behind this old beautiful hymn and it touched me so deeply. I love hearing the meaning behind songs because it makes them even that much more meaningful. George Matheson wrote this as a single man on the day of his sisters wedding. Yep, you guessed it. He was lonely. Here is what he wrote in his journal about that day.
“My hymn was composed in the manse of Inellan on the evening of June 6, 1882.  I was at that time alone.  It was the day of my sister’s marriage, and the rest of my family were staying overnight in Glasgow.  Something had happened to me which was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe mental suffering.  The hymn was the fruit of that suffering.  It was the quickest bit of work I ever did in my life.  I had the impression of having it dictated to me by some inward voice than of working it out myself.  I am quite sure that the whole work was completed in five minutes, and equally sure that it never received at my hands any retouching or correction.”

He didn’t mention in his journal what had caused him this “most sever mental suffering”, but most have suspected it had to do with the heartbreak he experienced from a woman he loved. Matheson struggled with poor eyesight his entire life and it increasingly became worse the older he became. His fiancee had broken her engagement to him, telling him that she couldn’t see herself going through life married to a blind man.  Matheson never married, and it seems likely that his sister’s wedding brought to memory the woman that he had loved and the wedding that he had never enjoyed. Take a minute and read this beautiful hymn.

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

How many of us would write such beautiful truths on the loneliest night of our lives? I think we would more likely write something to the effect of, “Poor me. I am always going to be alone. God why are you looking down upon me and not blessing me with a mate? I will never be happy. Woe is me.”

Matheson could have done this. Easily. Instead, he chose to celebrate the consistency of God’s love – “love that wilt not let me go” – “light that follow’st all my way” – “joy that seekest me through pain.”

As this hymn reveals, it was his faith in God that kept him going through the heartbreak that he suffered.  He believed that God’s love would not let him go, and that God’s light would follow him all his way, and that God’s joy would seek him through his pain, and that faith made all the difference.
I don’t know about you…but that sure is convicting to me.

                                                                                                Marlana Kaye

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Hospitality

Posted on March 2, 2013 by | 1 Comment

 “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Romans 15:7).

According to Dictionary.com, hospitality is “the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers,” or “the quality or disposition of receiving and treating guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.” Hospitality visibly portrays the acceptance that we have in Christ. It is a concrete and practical way to show love for our neighbors and, therefore, our obedience and love for God. Plus, it’s just fun to have people over. :)

The writer Carolyn McCulley was very influential in shaping my thoughts about hospitality when I began to grow in this area. Her article The Single Woman’s Home: A Mission Field and her posts on home and hospitality on her blog were the spring board for my desire to start opening up my home to others. Also more recently, I’ve become acquainted via the internet with Sandy Coughlin who has some great thoughts about hospitality. You can check out her book The Reluctant Entertainer and/or her blog for some great info.

Over the years I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade (and honed my cooking skills, for which my new husband is very grateful). So here are a few basic tips on showing hospitality:

  • Now is the time. You don’t have to wait until…whatever you may be waiting for—marriage, better utensils, more room…  Learn to cook and bless others by showing your love through hospitality.
  • Use what the Lord has given you for His glory (being mindful of those you live with, of course; they are your closest neighbors). You don’t have to have a wonderfully spacious and fancy-schmancy house (I currently live in a 600 sq ft one bedroom apt). You don’t even have to have a house! You can make people feel welcome wherever you are or bring the welcome with you in a meal to a hurting family.
  • Start Small. You don’t have to throw a party for forty people or be an expert on all things domestic to be hospitable. Just a few friends (or even just one!) over for dinner is good.  As you get more comfortable, then you can start to invite people who aren’t like you and learn from them. Cultivate relationships with unbelieving neighbors or coworkers, married couples, families, retired people, college kids, etc. The possibilities for blessing others are limitless!
  • Prep beforehand. Do everything you can before your guests arrive. Think about what it will take to get everything on the table at the same time. When do you need to put the casserole (that you assembled the night before…) in the oven? Make a list to get the timing down if it helps you.
  • Enlist help. Don’t be afraid to ask your guests to bring something. And once they get there, delegate. Filling cups with ice or stirring the sauce or setting the table are things that most guests are happy to do and it can sometimes even help them feel more at home.
  • Have a go-to stash. I learned to keep some extra food on hand for the unexpected drop in or impromptu invite. For example, I keep decaf coffee and a pack of break & bake cookie dough in my freezer for last minute guests (you can just pop them straight in the oven and give them a little more time than the package says and voila! You have fresh baked cookies for your guests in no time flat. Note, it can be dangerous to have cookies available at all times…).
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff. People will remember the way they felt in your home more than the way everything looked (or tasted). I quickly learned that my home allows for deeper conversations on more personal topics than a restaurant does. Also, intentionally seeking to show hospitality can be a way to minister to the lonely or hurting and can also help with your own struggles by placing your attention on someone other than you.
  • Enjoy. There were many times during my early attempts at hospitality that I became anxious and overwhelmed, but as I learned how to manage time better (so that my guests were not trying to converse with a frantic, panicking hostess…) things got easier. There were many times (and still are) that I heard the Lord tenderly call me “Martha” and remind me that there is “only one thing necessary” (Luke 10:38-42)…and it’s not the food or the look of my house, it’s the Lord Jesus and serving Him with a joyful and peaceful heart. So I learned to relax and enjoy, and hopefully, it was also more enjoyable for my guests.

I hope these tips are helpful. There are lots of great websites and books on entertaining and showing hospitality. You don’t have to look far. So get to it! And may the Lord bless you with a fruitful ministry.

Carrie Kelly

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Purity in uh, well…yeah, you know

Posted on February 26, 2013 by | 1 Comment

purity_sexualWhen I was single, I dreaded hearing “the purity talk” from married people. Please don’t talk to me about “waiting” and “guarding” and “abstaining” when I have no idea if I will ever marry and you’re enjoying the pleasures of marital bliss… Now here I am an old married woman (of two months) writing about sexual purity…hmmm…sorry…

But I am very familiar with the intense pull of temptation and the despair of not knowing when or if you will ever be able to conquer those “natural” cravings or find some relief. When my husband and I met we were both in our mid-thirties. Each of us had walked the long road of uncertainty and we both had things in our past that we regretted–things that we wish we could do over with the knowledge that we have now. But we had also both fully repented and experienced the abundant forgiveness that God through Christ provides for those who believe.

Before we married, we had “the talk” about our previous experiences, not detailed accounts, but enough that it hurt both of us deeply. It was honestly one of the most difficult conversations we’ve had. The most hurtful thing for me was to know the pain that my past sin brought him. So I want you to learn from my mistakes, fight the good fight and be encouraged in it.

Over the years I had heard all sorts of “how to’s” in overcoming temptation: use internet filters, find someone for accountability, don’t watch tv or movies alone…there is plenty of great and helpful practical advice on fighting temptation out there, but according to Christ, sexual immorality starts in the heart – “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander” (Matt. 15:19). So the battle has to start there, in the depths of our inner man, where cleansing has to be done by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. James says that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (James 1:14), so it is our sinful heart that is drawn to the temptations of the world and Satan, and sexual immorality is one of their favorite ploys.

The temptations are all around us—internet, books, movies, relationships, billboards, etc., etc. It’s a constant struggle to remain pure and undefiled. But there are God-given, good reasons why sex should only be enjoyed in a covenantal relationship between a husband and his wife. God’s gifts enjoyed in God’s ways are always best. He gives us rules and boundaries for our good, to protect us and keep us right with Him. So when strong commands against sexual immorality continue to pop up in Scripture and a verse that even says that “this is the will of God for you” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)…it would be wise to listen to His loving commands.

Now you may be thinking, “Yeah, yeah, that’s easy for you to say, Ms. Marital Bliss” but I assure you, I am fully aware that extended and open-ended singleness can feel like you’re starving, wondering if you’ll ever be blessed with bread. Those natural desires are not easy to ignore. But when I was in that situation I found much comfort in Jesus, our Great High Priest, when he was tempted in the wilderness:

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:1-4)

For forty days and nights he had been without food and it simply says he was hungry…no doubt.  Jesus was not in a lush orchard filled with fruit and other good things to eat as Eve was when she was tempted. His trial was much more severe – in the harsh wilderness, fasting for forty days before being harassed by the Enemy. But Jesus was victorious. He didn’t give in to selfish desire but instead waited for His Father’s good timing and provision. “Jesus never sinned, but he did suffer immense temptation. And his heart bears the blessed scars of sympathy” (Kent Hughes on Hebrews 2:18). Our Great High Priest is not blind to our struggles, and He will help us stand against the schemes of the devil as we humbly submit ourselves to God. And if you have failed already, He will forgive and cleanse you and help you walk again in holiness.

The struggle for sexual purity doesn’t end when you get married. These patterns of guarding your purity, turning away from certain things, and not allowing your thoughts to meander down those rose-petal-lined paths of destruction will continue to help you when or if you get married. The fight against selfishness in any area will help you in all areas.

The struggle for sexual purity is tough. But it is worth it. There is nothing more satisfying than a pure conscience—provided by the blood of Jesus and kept by living by God’s commands.

(For more on spiritual warfare & overcoming temptation, I highly recommend the very readable book Tempted and Tried: Temptation and the Triumph of Christ by Russell D. Moore.)

                                                                                                     Carrie Kelly

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Get to Know – Carrie

Posted on January 5, 2013 by | 5 Comments

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1. What was your life and attitudes before following Christ?

I came to know Christ at a young age, so the Lord spared me from many poor choices that I would have made if I had stayed on the path I was on as a child. I was an avid liar, bossy and self-centered.  I was the kid who screamed at her parents when she didn’t get what she wanted and yelled (while slamming the door in the direction of her brothers) when she was angry. I was spoiled, rotten through and through.

2. How did you come to know Christ as your Savior?

I was raised in a Christian home. I remember when I was around 8 yrs old thinking that my parents and brothers had something that I didn’t. So I started asking some important questions one night in my parents’ room. While we were sitting on their bed talking about spiritual things, they led me to put my trust in Jesus. So I believed that Jesus died for my sins not just the sins of the world and that he would forgive me and help me to live a life that pleased Him. Things began to change for me then. I didn’t want to lie anymore, and I wanted to live my life for the One who had saved me.

3. How has Christ changed your life and how are you developing that relationship with Him?

When I was 12-ish we moved to a new state for my Dad’s job. Those were tough times for my family and I was the new kid in town. But through those tough times the Lord taught me to rely on Him and grow in my faith and knowledge of His Word. I tried to understand the Scriptures but was still very untaught. I joined several Bible Study groups while in high school and tried to learn as much as I could.

Then I went to college. While there, I had my first major heart break. I was deeply depressed and not sure that God would forgive me or that He still loved me, because I had turned away from Him. But I knew that He was my answer; no one else could fix me like I knew He could…if He would. I was afraid that I had gone too far and sinned too much.

Over time I started working at a Christian bookstore. A coworker there took me to a young adults Bible study at her church. The new pastor taught us about God’s covenant love (that His love was not based on what I do but on what He has already done in Christ), about His sure forgiveness, and so many other things. I started attending often and within a year I was a new person. It’s amazing what Biblical truth can do. I repented of the selfishness and bitterness that I had stored up in my heart; and hope, joy, peace and love began to bloom. I grew in my faith and my relationship with God was restored. (If you want, you can read about this season of my life in more detail here on my personal blog.)

Since then I’ve continued to grow in my faith. I decided to try my hand at seminary in 2003 and received a Masters in Biblical Counseling in 2006. Now I’m working as a faculty secretary and using my gifts to serve the Lord as He allows and sees fit.

4. Can you share with us your experience with singleness and how this has influenced your writing in OurSinglePurpose?

In March of 2012, I had no idea that I had just met the man who would become my husband in December.  I was 35 when I married. I learned much from those many years of singleness. I still vividly remember the sting of aloneness, the crushing disappointments of another possibility not working out, and the bittersweet tears of joy mingled with sadness when another one of my much younger friends would get married. The lessons I learned during those years were hard-earned. A godly life is not easy no matter what stage you’re in. So I’m excited to share insights from another stage of life with Our Single Purpose readers or reminisce about things that I should have been more grateful for when I was single. I want to encourage everyone, no matter what stage you’re in, to grow in trust and obedience to our good and faithful God.

Carrie Kelly

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Get to Know – Bethany

Posted on December 15, 2012 by | 2 Comments

 getoknow_bethany1. What was your life and attitudes before following Christ?

Jesus saved me at a young age; I was only nine. If I had to sum up my attitudes in one word, it would be fearful. I had a healthy fear of disobeying my parents, teachers, and other authority figures. I was afraid of dangerous situations that could threaten my life. And most importantly where God was concerned, I was terrified of dying because I knew hell — eternal torment separated from God — existed, and I couldn’t say for sure that I would escape it. I had this silly little balancing act in my head, figuring that if I died in church or while praying or reading the Bible, somehow God would let me into heaven. Somehow I felt “safe” in those activities. It seems childish, but really it’s no different from adults who figure God will admit them into his kingdom because they’ve been good people.

2. How did you come to know Christ as your Savior?

By grace. In his grace, God placed me in a home with parents who love him and taught and modeled what it meant to follow him. God also graciously provided a church family that preached and taught the gospel and took great care in pointing children to Christ. Romans 10 teaches that faith comes from hearing and hearing through the word of Christ (v. 17), and in his infinite grace, God placed me in circumstances that exposed me to the gospel from my infancy. When I was nine it all came together. God gave me the grace I needed to understand that I was a sinner and was incapable of doing anything to reconcile myself to the only holy, all-powerful God. I couldn’t game the system. I knew that the only way to be in a right relationship with God was through the cross of Christ. So, one night in my parents’ room I prayed, confessing my sins, asking for forgiveness, and putting my faith in Christ for salvation.

         3. How has Christ changed your life and how are you developing that relationship with Him?

For so long I thought that my testimony wasn’t that spectacular because it doesn’t involve any openly rebellious behavior or harrowing escape from death, addictions, abuse, or anything like that. I was completely wrong in believing that. I’ve had seasons of rebellion, but the Lord, in his kindness, has always brought me back to repentance, assuring me that I’m sealed with the Holy Spirit and nothing can take me out of his hand. He’s so patient. And that is how he has changed me. I might have grown up and become a decent person without Christ. Plenty of people are. But they’re still walking in darkness. Peter said it better than I can. He described believers as those whom Jesus has called out of darkness and into his marvelous light (1 Peter 2.9). The change in me is as dramatic as the difference between death and life. I once was fearful, aimless, and desperate, but God, in his mercy through the blood of Jesus, put my fears to death and gave me purpose and hope. Now that’s spectacular!

Developing my relationship with Jesus is also an act of God’s sustaining grace. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of reading Scripture. When I let a day go by without reading in God’s Word, I feel dysfunctional, and I’m much more vulnerable to temptations. Being involved in a healthy church is also a priority. It’s so important to be under sound, God-centered preaching and worshiping and serving beside brothers and sisters in Christ who are also seeking to grow in their relationships with Jesus and who will study the Bible with me, mentor me, and hold me accountable when I stray. Serving others in the name of Christ is like the third leg of the stool. I have learned so much about God’s sufficiency, my weaknesses, and the power of the gospel when I’ve had the privilege of meeting someone’s immediate need and pointing her toward the God who has provided for our greatest need in Christ.

         4. Can you share with us your experience with singleness and how this has influenced your writing in OurSinglePurpose?

I shared a lot of my experience with singleness in my first post on OSP. I never thought I would still be single at 30. I’ve had very few dates over the last decade, so my experience in that area is limited. I struggled with bitterness for a while as I saw many of my friends marry and start families. There have been seasons when I’ve been content with my singleness, and there have been seasons when my desire for marriage is a daily struggle that brings me to my knees. Only recently, maybe in the last two or three years, have I come to see that this season of singleness, no matter how long it lasts, is for God’s glory. My marital status is largely out of my control, so I’m learning to trust God for his perfect plan, which includes his timing, and his promises to love me and never leave me. It is teaching me to trust God in a way that I wouldn’t know in any other context. I’ve heard several married friends say that marriage isn’t meant to make you happy, it’s meant to make you holy. Well, long-term singleness also has a sanctifying effect. I’m learning to rely on my Savior to satisfy me, not looking to anyone or anything else to fulfill me or define me. The biblical view of singleness is incredibly countercultural, even in our churches. I often get bewildered looks when I respond to comments about my singleness with a confidence in God’s love and plan for me, but I know that my singleness is also a part of my testimony of God’s sustaining grace and sufficiency for all my needs. When, if he brings me and a man together in marriage (and I hope he does!), I will again be able say that it is his good and gracious gift.

When Marlana asked me to be a contributor to OurSinglePurpose, I was honored that she thought I had something worth saying and intimidated because I knew this project would keep my marital status constantly before me, and that could be painful. I would have to be candid and vulnerable and face my singleness in a very public way. As uncomfortable as I am with putting some of my deepest desires and hurts on display, I pray that as God has comforted me, I and the other contributors are comforting others with the same comfort we have received (2 Corinthians 1.3.5).

Bethany Wester

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Who Gives This Woman?

Posted on December 10, 2012 by | 1 Comment

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I was never a girl scout, but I like to be prepared. I’m not a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. So I make lists, lots of lists.  I have to-do lists, grocery lists, prayer lists, reading lists, packing lists, hit lists (I’m kidding on that last one… just seeing if you’re paying attention).  My favorite list is my annual Christmas list of gifts for my family and friends. I have another list, too. It’s a list of the characteristics I desire in my husband. Before you chastise me for being picky, let me explain – and go ahead and own it, you know you have your own list, even if it’s only a mental one! My list is not superficial. It’s essentially a prayer list and has everything to do with my future husband’s character and nothing to do with his material possessions, social status, or stunning good looks.

Throughout Scripture, God reveals numerous characteristics of manhood that he desires his adopted sons to develop, and we as their sisters in Christ should encourage and seek these God-honoring qualities in the men we date and eventually marry. So, I ask God to develop these characteristics in my future husband, knowing that they will be good for him and eventually for our family, and I pray that God will protect him from temptations that hinder these characteristics, such as greed, pornography, laziness, arrogance, and the wiles of unscrupulous women. Amelia wrote about praying for our future husbands in a post on Our Single Purpose earlier this year, so I won’t re-hash it here. If you’re wondering where to begin praying for your husband, check out Amelia’s post.

In addition to the list of characteristics that I want in my future husband, there’s something that I ask for him when I talk with the Lord about him. I ask that God will shape me into a gift for him, a blessing, a treasure to be cherished and guarded (Prov. 5.18; 12.4; 31.10). So often our expectations for our husbands both before and after marriage can be self-centered, even if the characteristics we seek are good. We want their strength, leadership, love, and protection. While these are qualities our husbands should possess and cultivate, if we merely see them as how they will benefit us, we will neglect cultivating our own characters in ways that will bless and encourage them. If marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church, then asking God to prepare us for marriage can be something of a reflection of how he is sanctifying the church to prepare her for Christ’s return, when he will present her spotless before the Father (Rev. 19.7-8; 2 Corinthians 11.2).

So I pray that the Lord will teach me to be humble, not quarrelsome but peaceable, and gentle. I pray that he will give me inner beauty that comes from resting in Christ, peace, courage, understanding, wisdom, discernment, strength, resourcefulness, faithfulness, and a number of other qualities of womanhood we find in God’s Word. I ask God to make me fit for my husband, so that I’ll be a help to him and not a hindrance, eager to serve God beside him. I pray that he is shaping me even in small ways that I may not notice now but will be essential to a marriage that reflects Jesus’ relationship to the Church and will stand firm in a culture that devalues marriage at every turn (Eph. 5.22-33). When my husband thinks longingly of his earthly home, I want him to think, not of his man cave, but of me and find comfort and peace there.

Four Old Testament couples inspired me to begin praying this way: Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth. First, I love how God placed each of these women in her husband’s life. He formed Eve out of raw material and brought her to a sleeping Adam. He led Abraham’s servant directly to Rebekah, who willingly hopped on a camel against her family’s desires for her to linger, and rode to Isaac while he prayed in a field. God brought Rachel to the well to meet Jacob at the end of a tense escape from his twin’s murderous intents. Through sorrow and difficulty he led Ruth straight to Boaz’s fields. But what moves me even more is how each man reacted to God’s gift of his wife.

When God awakened Adam and he saw Eve for the first time, he rejoiced and worshiped God. After naming all the animals and seeing none that was an appropriate companion for him, he recognized God’s perfectly formed creation, made just for him, in Eve (Gen. 2.18-23). When Isaac saw Rebekah riding up in the caravan, he married her right away, loved her, and was comforted by her presence after mourning his mother’s death (Gen. 24). Jacob kissed Rachel at first sight and wept. He wept! Then he worked 14 years for the privilege of marrying her (Gen. 27.41-45; 29.9-30). Boaz, a little slower to come around than the other three, protected Ruth in her vulnerability, saw the beauty of her resourcefulness and strength in caring for her mother-in-law in a foreign country, and honorably pursued her by working through the proper channels to make her his wife (Ruth 2-4).

These feminine qualities aren’t just for marriage, though. They are becoming of any woman who follows Jesus. So while they will be a gift for a future husband, they are also a gift to the church, my brothers and sisters, married and single, old and young. The womanly qualities I pray for only come through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit; they certainly don’t come naturally to me! I should grow in these qualities of godly womanhood as I mature in my discipleship, regardless of whether I marry, and if I marry, these are the qualities I want my husband to see in me and find attractive. May he see God’s work, and may that drive him to worship God, rejoice, and pursue me with gentlemanly honor. Weeping is optional.

Bethany Wester

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Who/What is your Ultimate?

Posted on November 26, 2012 by | Leave a comment

Contentment. This has been the theme that the Lord is working out in me over the past weeks, months, years of my life. At times, contentment is so hard for me. What I have been reminded of through the awesomeness of Kelly Minter’s study, No Other Gods is that sometimes discontent is a direct result of jealousy and bitterness.  I agree with Kelly in that, “I’m not sure I hate any feeling more than when I’ve overcome with jealousy.”  It’s a cycle that I often see in my life, I start to compare myself to those around me, which leads to jealousy, which makes me discontent with who I am and where God has me.

The story of Leah, Rachel and Jacob is one that screams jealousy and discontent. If you haven’t read that story take some time to do so in Genesis 29 and 30. I will try my best to summarize it for you. Jacob loved Rachel and Rachel was beautiful. Jacob worked 7 years in order to marry Rachel.  But instead of Rachel, Laban (Rachel’s dad) gave Jacob Leah, who was the older sister. Jacob still desired Rachel and did not love Leah,  so he agreed to work another 7 years in order to make Rachel his wife (this shows how much Jacob loved Rachel). As any woman can imagine this type of relationship was hard. Leah knew Jacob loved Rachel more and tried her hardest to make him pay her some sort of attention. Rachel on the other hand, had the love of Jacob but was not able to have children. However, Leah could have children. You can only imagine the jealousy that took place. Leah was jealous of Rachel because Jacob loved her and she was beautiful. Rachel was jealous of Leah because Leah was able to have children. Rachel’s jealousy led her to tell her maidservant to sleep with Jacob in order to provide offspring. Leah’s jealousy led her to barter for a night with her husand in hopes that she would feel loved. The story goes back and forth until the Lord decides to open the womb of Rachel and she has a son named Joseph. At this point, you think, Rachel is going to offer praise to the Lord, she finally has everything she ever longed for (exclusive love of her husband, son she always hoped for and beauty) however we read in Gen. 31:32-35 that this still didn’t satisfy her, as she was stealing household gods and hiding them in her pockets. Rachel was not content, even though she achieved what she thought would make her content.

This amazes me but also reasonates with my soul. I too have been like Rachel, saying to myself when I get ___________ or when I am _________, then I will be happy and content. And at times, like Rachel I did achieve those things I thought would make me happy and they did for a period of time. But those things, those people, they never have and never will satisfy my soul forever like the love and relationship of my Savior.  Because those things are fleeting and those people will dissapoint. It may sound cliche and simple, but the Lord is whispering in my ear daily, “But Holli my love for you will never fade away and I will never dissapoint.” Now there have been plenty of times in my life that I have been disappointed but like Kelly Minter said, “Yet when you encounter Him and begin to take Him at His words through obedience, His name doesn’t mean easy answers but power and love and life sustaining freedom.”

Another truth that Kelly stated (ya’ll you have to read her studies!) that I wanted to share is, “The point is that it doesn’t matter if you have it all and get everything your heart desires, or if you are left wanting and unloved. Neither works. The two women had vastly differnt circumstances, yet both were left hungy. Why? Because God was not their ultimate. Good things like husbands and children and social status were the ultimate things, and in the end they were not enough.”

they. were. not. enough. Jesus is enough! I have been challenged to dig deep and ask the Lord to reveal to me those things in my life that I am making the “ultimate” over Him (some may be good things even). I pray that I get those “idols” out of my life so I can  be content in the only One who will truly satisfy, by making Him The Ultimate in every aspect of  my life.

Holli Howard

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