Tag Archives: dating

Ways Married Ladies Can Encourage Their Single Friends.

Posted on March 5, 2013 by | 1 Comment

friendship_This is a hard topic. Married and single friends do not always mix. Maybe it’s like a cultural thing. Once a girl gets married, she almost feels like she has to say goodbye to all her single friends. I have seen this time and time again. It’s like a single girl only has single friends and a married girl only has married friends. Why? Because it is easier that way. Many singles feel frustrated with their friends who get married…and vice versa. Yes, friendships do change after marriage. Change is inevitable. But, I believe that there is a balance that can be achieved when single and married ladies are friends.

From a single gal, here are my thoughts on how my married friends can encourage me and their single friends:

Show us what a godly family looks like.

We want to see you interacting with your husband and kids. We need to see you interact with your family. It is extremely healthy for us to watch the way you handle your personal relationships. Invite us to go out to dinner with you and your husband, or go to a theme park with your kids.

ON THE FLIP SIDE:

  • We do not need to see you make out with your husband. (Single ladies, can I get an “Amen”?) Affection is acceptable at times, but please don’t rub your affections in our face.
  • We do not need to spend all our friend time with both you and your husband-give us some girl time. Same thing with your kids-we love your kids, but we honestly don’t always want them tagging along.

Let us into your personal life.

As single ladies, we want to be a part of what is going on in your heart. We want to pray with you. We want to hear your struggles, anxieties, and fears. We are just as much a woman as any married lady and want to walk with you in this life. We may not be married, but we can offer advice and godly counsel. Let us into your personal life…we do care!

ON THE FLIP SIDE:

  • Don’t talk to us about your sex life. We don’t care. We don’t wanna know. And more importantly, we don’t need to know. Period.

 Be mindful of our feelings.

Realize that your single friend is in a completely different season of life than you. Please be considerate when offering advice. Sometimes, us single girls can take your advice too personal. We honestly don’t think you have a clue to what you are talking about…only because you are married. Please don’t say, “I totally remember what it is like to be single.” (Especially if you were 21 when you got married!)

ON THE FLIP SIDE:

  • Offer advice and encouragement as much and as often as you can! Remember that singles don’t often have anyone daily in their life to share what is going on in their hearts.

 Be intentional by making us a priority.

 Sometimes, we just don’t feel like we are a priority anymore once the wedding bells chime. Yes, your priorities should shift to your home. We want your husband and children to be your main priority. But, don’t forget about us. Be intentional about reaching out to us. Most of the time, we’ll get frustrated that we can’t ever seem to talk to you without screaming babies or prying husbands at the other end of the phone. Make time. Be intentional.

ON THE FLIP SIDE:

  • Realize that we singles have a life. Don’t assume that because we are single, we aren’t busy. We should desire for your friendship to be a priority as well, but can’t always fit into your schedule. Sometimes, try to meet us where we are.

Intentionality is key when it comes to maintaining these friendships. Stay tuned-Wednesday we will hear from Amelia on how single ladies can encourage their married friends!

Marlana Kaye

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Teen Girl Tuesday!

Posted on January 8, 2013 by | Leave a comment

The contributors at OurSinglePurpose are all in their mid-to-late twenties and into their thirties. It may feel like it at times, but it hasn’t been too long since we were in the good ole days of Middle and High School. We remember what it is like. We remember how great it was and how hard it was at the same time. We acknowledge that being single in Middle/High School was almost, if not just as hard or harder as it is to be single now. There are unspoken, and spoken, pressures a girl feels about her singleness during her teen years that are just as demanding and suffocating, as they are when you get to be in your 20’s & 30’s.

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I believe girls are having a harder and harder time resisting the pressures of having a boyfriend, at a younger and younger age. Everyone always gets a kick asking 2 year olds the age-old question, “Do you have a boyfriend?” Girls today are bombarded with teen celebrities ‘hooking up’ with a different person each month. It’s the norm for middle school girls to have a boyfriend. And a girl is totally abnormal if she doesn’t have a boyfriend in high school. Hear me, I am not condemning any girl who has a boyfriend. I just think our society (media, parents, church) takes dating too lightly when it comes to teens. You need to know, its ok to be single.

Teen girls, we want you to know that we understand. We have been there. We survived. You will too. OurSinglePurpose wants to help you along during this journey you are on. We want to help you acknowledge that being single is ok. We want to help you avoid some minor and major mistakes that we made along the way. We want you to understand what God thinks about all of this, and how Scripture can apply to your life. And most of all, we want you to understand that there is a greater purpose in your life apart from having a boyfriend.

We look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences. Stay tuned for more Teen Girl posts!

Marlana Kaye

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Get to Know – Kim

Posted on November 10, 2012 by | 1 Comment

1. What was your life and attitudes before following Christ?

I feel like I sound like a broken record, especially when sharing my testimony in front of most Christians.. I was raised in a Christian home.  I don’t remember much of life before I got saved, because I “prayed the prayer” – honestly believing now that I meant it – when I was 5.  I can tell you if I was anything like I was during my teenage years, I was a strong-willed child.

2. How did you come to know Christ as your Savior?

I came to know Christ through my preacher and my kindergarten teacher.  I went to a Christian school, Mrs. Crum was a good example of kindness to me.  I remember walking up front with my Dad after the sermon and telling Elder Gibbs that I wanted to trust in Jesus.  I got baptized a week later.  I don’t remember the day or the prayer or anything, but I know today that it isn’t a prayer or action that saves you, but grace through faith and shown by the indwelling of the Spirit and the works of the gospel in your life.  That is how I know I’m a believer today.      My life didn’t radically change then, but as I grew in my knowledge of the Bible,  of God, of my sin – the Spirit continued to transform me – and still has a great work on His hands!

3. How has Christ changed your life and how are you developing that relationship with Him?

Christ changes my life daily.  To make it really personal now: I am relatively a newlywed, we have a 6 wk old newborn son, and we just moved to a new state to start a new ministry.  Talk about stressful.  Its been a while since I was in a daily habit of having a formal quiet time.  My quiet times comes in reading in between crying babies, hearing my husband read Deuteronomy aloud before we go to bed, listening to the songs and preached word in worship on Sunday morning, praying to keep myself from going crazy when my son cries all day or is awake all night.

4. Can you share with us your experience with singleness and how this has influenced your writing in OurSinglePurpose?

I was single for 34.5 years before marrying my wonderful husband.  The years taught me to be patient and to wait on God’s best.  I didn’t want to have a life of dating around, but let me tell you that ten years without even a handful of dates, definitely stings.  But, one of the last verses that was shared to me in my singleness still applies to me as a wife and mother today: He is a Sun and Shield, no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  I knew that if God had marriage for me, then He would bring it.  If not, than marriage was not for my good.  I loved my single days for the most part – writing, traveling, hanging out with friends, living on my schedule, moving a few times, seminary, etc.  And I want to share with OSP writers that the Word is applicable to every part of our lives at every stage of our lives.

Kimberly Campbell

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Stress Point Book Review and Giveaway

Posted on October 25, 2012 by | 1 Comment

“Stress Point – Thriving Through Your 20s in a Decade of Drama” by my friend Sarah Francis Martin is an encouraging Bible study that I would recommend to all 20 something women. In each chapter Sarah discusses issues that many 20 somethings view as stress points such as money, career, dating, friends, family, body image, etc. Through this interactive Bible study, Sarah helps young adult women address each stress point by encouraging them to wait on the Lord, worship Him, and make Him the focus of their lives.

I love the format of this book because it continually brings the reader back to Christ. Sarah provides journal space for each day to worship the Lord, study scripture, and allow the reader to surrender each issue completely to Him. She also provides stories from other women that are struggling with the same issues which is encouraging because it reminds us that we are not alone in these battles.

Throughout the book the reader also learns the different names of God which draws one closer to Him and helps to understand His character on a deeper level.  This book is a must read not just for 20 somethings girls but for all women. Be sure to get your copy here and check out more stress point resources including a video series on the book here.  Also, Sarah has kindly donated a book for us to giveaway to our readers. To win a copy comment on this post telling us how you deal with stress and be sure to check back on Monday when we announce the winner. :)

Sarah would also like to invite you to join her in Stress Points to Life Points: 10 Days to Godly Success, Purpose and Well-Being. http://liveitoutblog.com/category/stress-points-to-life-points/

 About the Author:

Sarah Francis Martin has a passion to encourage and relate to women in their twenties. Her relevant and conversational style will lead young adult readers to live out the Kingship of Christ in everyday life in order to find godly success, purpose, and well-being. Obsessed with pink lip gloss and all things artsy-crafty, Sarah lives with her husband and son in North Carolina. Her ministry, LIVE IT OUT!, is a space for 20-somethings to connect with one another and grow closer to Jesus (www.liveitoutblog.com).

Amelia McNeilly

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27 Dresses

Posted on June 25, 2012 by | Leave a comment
I’ve been house-sitting this week so I have access to movies that aren’t mine (I love people with great movie collections). They owned the movie 27 Dresses which I hadn’t seen, had heard some good things about it, and wanted to check it out. But I also learned to always watch movies with a critical eye – looking for the worldviews in it and how it differs from God’s worldview that He gives us in Scripture. So, I sat down in the lazy-boy with my steno pad and pen – and pressed play.
This is what got on paper:
  •  Weddings are more important than marriage.
  • There was a woman minister in one of the weddings that the main character was a bridesmaid in- (this denies a complementarian viewpoint. You could also see this viewpoint in some of the relationships in the movie and random comments made throughout.)
  • Competition and sex is what it all boils down to in the lives of these characters.
  • They mocked 1 Corinthians 13.
  • Kevin (Malcolm) actually had the divorce rate correct – (which is also sad.)
  • The statement “marriage isn’t always easy” is true.
  • The girly notion of number 1 and longingly looking at the wedding announcement page in the newspaper.
  • Guys- its all about getting laid.
  • Women try too hard to win the guy’s hearts (and again, we are back to the complementarian thing about men leading in relationships)
  • Relationships are built on lies (however, this comes to light before the wedding takes place, which is one redeeming quality – although not in the way she does it).
  • It’s OK to wallow in self-pity.
  • We clearly see “rebound” dating – using the other guy
  • Love is all sentiment (love is an action and choice)
  • Getting drunk always helps, and dancing on bar tops, which understandably leads to sex (hint of sarcasm)
  • “Last legal form of slavery” (what happened to marriage for the glory of God?)
  • Destroying someone else doesn’t make you feel better.
  • It isn’t always better being someone else.
  • Girls take lead in commitment (again, complementarian is completely wrecked).
I hope this inspires you to think more about the movies you watch. I love chick flicks with the best of them. But, I know they are so not a picture of the real world. I read once that chick flicks are female porn. Maybe not porn for guys (sexual) but porn for women – we want the sweep you off your feet, bring me roses, call me right away, talk to me for hours, drop dead gorgeous guy who buys me things – and watching chick flicks makes us want that – instead of maybe what we do have – or what God has planned for us.
Do I still watch chick flicks – yes – but now I watch them with an eye for what is false and hope to pick out something redeeming in them.

Kimberly Campbell

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“Not Another Dating Book” Q&A with Renee Fisher

Posted on May 2, 2012 by | Leave a comment

Below is a post I wrote recently for My Walk of Grace, and I thought I would share it here as well.

In February, my sweet friend Renee Fisher released her second devotional,    “Not Another Dating Book a Devotional Guide to ALL Your Relationships.” It is a must read, and I would highly recommend it to all single ladies. It is a refreshing devotional that not only addresses issues in dating, but more importantly encourages the reader to fall in love with Jesus Christ who should  be their first love. When reading it each day, I felt like I was sitting with a friend having coffee discussing God and life. Renee graciously agreed to do an interview with me, and below are some questions taken from a group of 20-something women on the topic of relationships. To read more from Renee please visit her website, Devotional Diva.

- Christian 20 something guys and girls are different, how should each best guard themselves in today’s disposable relationship society?

“Unfortunately/fortunately I was never the type to date just to date. I wanted to. I wanted a relationship, and I think God saw that I wouldn’t be able to take the dating and breaking up because of how attached I get. Not to say that others don’t get attached…but for me–I spent so much of my single life focusing on what God had for me including school and ministry that I didn’t get caught up in the disposable relationship category. However, if it does happen to you just know that you can’t control anyone but yourself. No matter how painful or how much you think “God told you” the other person is free to make their own decisions even if you don’t agree with them. As you give God your all, He will help you guard your heart, mind, body, and soul.”

- What do you think about flirting?

“Flirting is fun. It can be a great icebreaker when you’re getting to know someone–especially someone you like. It can also let the person you’re interested know you’re available. Without realizing it, being overly flirtatious can cause negative attention and put you in bad circumstances. For instance, what happens when a guy doesn’t stop at “no.” Be mindful of who you’re flirting with and what your motives are.”

- Is there such a thing as flirting in a Godly way?

“I think so. When you like someone, it’s okay to let him or her know that you’re available and that you’re interested. Look at Rahab, Ruth, or Rebekah. Three women God used because they were willing and available.”

- What advice would you give to 20-something single girls when talking to guys and not leading them on?

“That’s a hard question to answer. I don’t think there’s a general rule because some people are shy and others are outgoing. For me, I’d use keywords like “friends”, make sure I’m not flirting with them, and not hanging out with a guy alone into all hours of the night.”

- What advice would you give someone whose roommate wanted her boyfriend to stay the night?

“I got put in this position a few times. Personally, I was uncomfortable with it–period. Know what your boundaries are and ask your roommates to come to an agreement together–if at all possible.”

- What are your thoughts on online dating?

“Be careful. I know some people who have met their spouses online. I also    know some people–including myself who ended up in a sticky situation because I didn’t realize the guy would end up being a creep. Use discretion and make    sure you plan your dates out in a public place. Also, let a friend know where you   are so he or she can keep tabs on you just in case the person isn’t who they       say they are!”

- If your parents are not Christian, but you are, what advice would you give a girl particularly, in getting guy acceptance from her parents?

“A guy can earn respect even if your parents are not Christians. I think most people respect people who are respectable. Maybe the dad wouldn’t be comfortable with a guy asking for permission to date his daughter, but he would probably appreciate asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage.”

- What are some ways friends can encourage each other during their season of waiting for God to send them a spouse?

“I am so grateful for all the friendships God brought into my life as a single person. Sometimes they were single; sometimes they were married, and other times they got married while I was still single. I think it’s important to befriend different types of relationships God brings into your life so you don’t feel stuck. Those who are married can encourage you that God CAN and WILL bring you a spouse–if it’s His will. Those who are single can spend more time with you, encouraging you, and being a friend.”

- As a married woman, what advice would you give to single ladies as they continue to prepare their hearts for the one God has for them?

“Once you’re married the process doesn’t stop, but it changes. I’ve seen now in the past 6 months of marriage how my insecurities are only magnified. Take the time to face your fears and go with God on an adventure. Find out what you like and what makes you tick. Realize your identity is found in Christ–not a relationship, job title, or your bank account.”

- Any other thoughts you would like to share?

“Psalm 37:1 is my favorite verse when it comes to dating. Don’t fret about evil guys (the bad boy) or be envious of those who do wrong (those you wish you were dating). Let God bring you the right guy–even if that means waiting longer than expected. It’s worth it.”

Get your copy of “Not Another Dating Book” here.

Amelia McNeilly

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