I am a single girl who needs her momma and daddy! I am so blessed with an incredible relationship with both my parents. It has been about 4 ½ years since I lived with them, but that hasn’t prevented our relationships from growing stronger. As a single female who lives on my own, in an entire different state than any other family, I strongly depend on my parents.

I want to give all of the ma’s and pa’s out there some tips, on how you can better encourage, love, and support your single adult daughters.

# 1. Listen.

You daughter needs you to listen to her. Take the time and call her. Often. She needs to know that you are a listening ear whenever she needs to talk. Sometimes as singles, we don’t always have the privilege of talking to someone about the intimate details of our lives. Many times, we don’t think people care. Show her you care by listening.

#2. Give financial advice.

I am so thankful for the wisdom my daddy gives me when it comes to my finances. I always feel like I can talk to him about my budget, or a big purchase, and I will get non-judgmental advice. Also, having parents involved in financial decisions gives your daughter a certain sense of accountability that we as singles need.

#3. Show affection.

Daddy’s- Love on your daughters. It doesn’t matter how old they are…they need a hug and kiss from you. There is nothing like it. Single girls need physical touch. (appropriately, of course!) There have been times where I have gone several days without a single physical touch, and I thought I would lose my mind! Daddy’s, your girls need appropriate affection from you, so they don’t seek out inappropriate affection elsewhere. Love on your daughters.

Momma’s- Love on your daughters. Tell them they are beautiful. Many times, girls struggle with their self esteem because they have felt judged or rejected by their mother. Your daughters need to be told often that they are beautiful and special. Yeah, we know it’s your job to say it, but it still means the world to hear it.

#4. Model a godly marriage.

Your single daughters need to learn what a godly marriage looks like. Who better for us to learn from than our parents?! Know that your daughters are watching your relationships. They are observing your words, actions, and body language. The way you handle conflict, struggles, and even victories are being observed. Mothers, we are watching you to learn how to be a godly wife. Fathers, we are watching you to learn what to look for in a husband.

Not every relationship, every day, is going to be perfect. I’m just asking that parents become aware of their daughter’s singleness. This season of life can be difficult, and your daughters need you.

Even though she is an adult, she is not married yet, so she is still your responsibility. Love on her, pray for her, and protect her with your support and advice. She will forever be grateful.

And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

Back in March, I posted about Pastor Saeed Abedini who is currently imprisoned in one of Iran’s most brutal prisons for sharing his faith in Jesus Christ. Saeed went to Iran on what was supposed to be a short-term trip to help open an orphanage, and while there was arrested because of his Christian faith.

Over the past few months, his wife Naghmeh has been traveling throughout the country as well as internationally, speaking in Geneva to international diplomats on her husband’s behalf. Also, most recently, Idaho Senator James Risch taped a message directly aimed to the people of Iran that aired today on Voice of America before the elections in the Islamic republic.

As I have followed this story and corresponded with Naghmeh, I have been reminded of what it means to be completely surrendered to the Lord. The power and peace of Jesus is so evident in Naghmeh’s life as well as her husband’s. I recently told Naghmeh about our ministry here at OSP, and she gave me some words of wisdom to share with you all.  She states, “I have many single friends and I think it is a great ministry. Being single is also a step of faith in trusting God with your future, and knowing that He is in control. I left to Iran in my mid-twenties as a single girl. I had to reach a point of being OK with my singleness and thinking that I might never marry, and just be completely satisfied in following the Lord where He led me. I have so much to share, but I learned that when you let go and follow God with all of your heart, and full of love and passion, He directs your path and writes your story (including your love story) and that is simply amazing.”

Saeed and Naghmeh’s main goal in life is to glorify the Lord and tell others about Him no matter what the cost, which is how Scripture commands us to live. I hope their story will inspire you to evaluate your relationship with the Lord and surrender to Him every area of your life.

Please continue to pray that Saeed’s release will come soon, for his health, and protection.  Also, pray for Naghmeh as she travels and speaks for his release, and for their children. For updates and more information on how you can be involved please visit http://savesaeed.org.

                                                                                          Amelia McNeilly

Below is a link to a message from Elisabeth titled “I Can’t, But I Will.” I urge you to take some time to listen to this, and I pray it encourages and challenges you like it has me.Visit here to listen to this message and others from her.

I am so thankful for each of our readers here at Our Single Purpose, and would love to pray for you so please share any prayer requests below in the comment section, and  know that I will be praying for you this week.

                                                                                             Amelia McNeilly

Are you a morning person? Some of us are – some of us aren’t. I like getting up in the morning – just not really communicating with anyone or having to do anything. I would rather have a leisurely morning and then have to get going around noon!

But, Jesus modeled for us a perfect prayer life – that we may not have down perfectly – but we can strive for diligence and self-control by the Spirit’s power.

He prayed many times before the dawn. I wonder if he wrote down his prayers somehow or just kept them all logged in his perfect memory? He prayed without ceasing (1 Thess 5). He modeled a communion with His Father that was unmatchable to anything we know on this earth.

This morning I woke up at 545a. That may not seem early to some of you, but I woke up before my son, before my husband, only my bladder was awake (being pregnant makes you go to the bathroom a lot). And what did I do – crawled back into bed for more sleep. What I should have done is stayed up and gotten in some quality time with The Lord before the rest of my family woke up.

God desires our communion. Whether we journal, sing, pray aloud, memorize and meditate – He wants to be with us. We can come early in the morning or late at night – He just wants us to come!

Why I said at the beginning that I wish I had developed this habit earlier? Because when there is a husband and kids involved it gets harder. I want to snuggle in the mornings with my husband. Who knows what time my toddler will awake and demand his morning bottle? If I had established that habit long before I had married – it would be easier to do now.

What comes in your morning before The Lord? For me it is usually the iphone or ipad. Sometimes that is a good thing because I can pray for the emails that I’ve gotten or facebook statuses that have posted overnight. Like right now – I’m joining with a friend who is praying that she would get pregnant. Or there are conferences going on that I can for. Or I can ask for forgiveness because I’ve coveted the life of others who are traveling or at the beach watching a beautiful sunset. But, I wonder what would happen with my heart if I approached my Father and the Son before I touched any technology?

Some of you need need showers or breakfast or coffee before sitting down to read the Word. By all means – do whatever you need to do to make you coherent so you can glean much from your time.

It hopefully will become our delight to be in the Word – getting much fuel to start our day. As you encounter roadblocks and people throughout your day, you’ve already been fed with nourishing food from the Word and have opened that line of communication with the Father.

I’m working on a prayer book through Ephesians right now for my husband and for my son (as wives and mothers can learn how to pray for their husbands and sons as well). I am thankful that I have the Bible that is a proven guideline of prayers.

End note: God is faithful to hear your prayers! Pray them!

Before the Dawn: Pray

Although my summer looks different than what I would have imagined at my age (I thought I would be spending my summers with my 3 kids at the water park and playing outside in our yard with the white picket fence) I am thankful that I can use my summer to “refresh” my spirit with little distractions. Since I live so close to a park, I hear the laughter of the children and see mothers enjoying picnic lunches and swing sets with their kids. I have to pray for more faith daily as I surrender my desires over to Him.

This summer the cry of my heart is to not let it be a waste, longing for unmet desires.  I want to see this time of less distractions as a blessing and go deeper in my walk and my faith in Jesus. To sense His presence everywhere I go and to be obedient to His daily calling on my life. To wake up and say “Jesus who do You want me to love today” and “How can I serve You, not myself today?” Because if we are honest, our season of singleness is the time we are able to do this with an undivided heart! I don’t want to miss what God wants to teach me during this time. This season is a gift and I want to see it as that! So as the longer days approach and you find yourself with extra time (time that you didn’t think you would have at this point in your life) count that as a blessing and part of the Lord’s good plan for you and use it to bring glory and honor to Him!

One of the things I like to do over the Summer that I don’t get to do as often during the “school” year is read Christian books! I just ordered some books off of Amazon and I am excited to see how the Lord speaks to me through them. Here is my Summer Book List!

The Circle Maker By: Mark Batterson -Praying Circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears.

Multiply By: Francis Chan- Disciples making disciples

Erasing Hell By: Francis Chan- What God said about eternity, and the things we’ve made up.

Have you read any of these? If so tell me your thoughts! Or would you suggest another one that is a must read for the summer?

Today I pray for us all that whatever season of life we are in we will count it as a blessing. We will not waste it on discontentment and comparison but instead focus on what God is speaking into our hearts this very moment. Trusting that Jeremiah 29:11 is a truth that the Lord speaks directly to me/you!

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

~Holli Howard

1. Why, within 48 hours of having my car washed, all the birds in the neighborhood will use it as a latrine.

2. Pantyhose.

3. Kamikaze squirrels that dart out right in front of my car, spaz for a few seconds, and (most of the time) race back to the curb

4. Why anyone would keep a snake as a pet

5. Why I have an unbelievable knack for unintentionally finding the metal foot of my bed with my pinky toe

6. The Duck Dynasty obsession (Sorry, folks. I just don’t get it.)

7. How drivers who clearly don’t know traffic laws manage to get and keep a driver’s license

8. Why traffic lights always turn red and stay red for five minutes when I’m running late, or when there’s no traffic, or both

9. How I always manage to scuff a pair of shoes before I wear them three times

10. Men (but maybe that’s a good thing!)

Bethany Wester

Confession: I am one of those single Christian women who are prone to complain about the lack of mature single Christian men in the church…make that mature single Christian men in general. I am grateful for my church leaders, who are intentional about helping the men of our church pursue biblical manhood, and I am privileged to know several spiritually mature single brothers in the Lord, in my church and other churches. I respect, admire, and appreciate them. Their mere existence should be enough to deflate my overblown complaints, which are a disservice to them. Yet experience and statistics show that my observations aren’t completely misguided. I’m not looking for the local church to be an evangelical alternative to the secular hook-up culture. That mentality is problematic and unbiblical on several levels. The problem goes much deeper than that. Our churches seem incomplete somehow when men’s attendance is disproportionately lower, and it affects the fellowship of the local church.

I was recently convicted about my attitude toward the gender gap in the church thanks to an eye-opening series of posts by the guys at SingleRoots. My complaints have been selfish (imagine that!), focusing on how the problem affects me and other women in the church. It never occurred to me to consider how single men who are committed to being faithful to Christ in their church families perceive their underrepresented status. It’s relatively easy for any woman who wants fellowship with other women to find it in the church, but it can be slim pickings for a man who wants fellowship, accountability, and discipleship with other maturing Christian men, especially if he’s one of the few single men in his church. They need other guys in David-and-Jonathan and Paul-and-Timothy kinds of relationships.

And let’s be honest, ladies. Sometimes, when a new single man with an iota of maturity and within a certain age range starts attending a church, he can quickly become the equivalent of raw meat in a shark tank. You can practically see the thought balloons popping up all over the sanctuary as single women think, “Dibs! I saw him first!” At its worst it can turn into something like this scene from Mean Girls. Okay, I’m exaggerating here, but we don’t always make it a hospitable environment for them, nor can we provide the male companionship they need.

I now see how all this contributes to the trend. When a man is suffocated by desperate women in the church, he may withdraw if he’s honorable or play the field if he isn’t. If a man can’t find brotherhood in the church, he will face two extremes: either find brotherhood outside the church where, without godly encouragement and accountability, he is likely to face the temptations of conforming to the world, or become a loner whether in or outside the church. Neither option is healthy.

So what can we do to help reverse this trend? First, we can stop complaining. It isn’t constructive; it discourages the men who are committed to being active in their churches; and it only states the obvious with a juvenile whine. Second, we can retract our feline claws and act in a manner worthy of our calling as Paul advised the Ephesians. This promotes unity and peace rather than ungodly competition. Third, and most importantly, we can pray for our brothers for their and the church’s benefit, not for our own selfish designs. Will you join me in praying for the guys in our churches and those who should be there? This is not praying for one of them to marry you — that’s another post — but pleading with our Father to help them find fellowship in the body of Christ and to bring them and us to maturity. Let’s pray that they will see that their gifts are valuable to their churches and that they mean more to us than their potential as husbands. Pray that they will find the riches of Christ and the assurance of his promises more attractive than the trappings of our culture and that they will have the strength to persevere when they are few in number.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

 – 1 Corinthians 15.58

Bethany Wester

What did you enjoy most about being single? What do you enjoy most about being married?

                I’d have to say that the thing I enjoyed most about being single was the available alone-time. As the quintessential introvert, regular doses of solitude and quiet are important for me in order to keep a balanced sense of mental and spiritual well-being. Too much seclusion can, of course, be unhealthy, but for me the single life provided the privacy needed for reading, reflecting, and writing, activities which married life tends to hinder in some respects. (Real life example: My wife just walked in the room and hugged me and told me she loved me, as I sat on the couch writing this post. Personal interaction = train-of-thought broken.)

                This alone-time “hindrance” caused by marriage, however, is eclipsed by the thing I enjoy most about being married: the personal intimacy. This may initially seem like a strange remark for an introvert to make, but oddly enough, I find great satisfaction in spending lots of time with my wife. However much I used to crave seclusion away from groups of people, I did also crave personal relationship with one or two close friends at a time. Marriage has given me a close friend—my best friend—who I can trust enough to be myself around, who laughs at my jokes, who I can share my deepest fears with, who brightens my world with her very presence. Trusting another person enough to make yourself truly vulnerable in that relationship is a scary business; but the love and intimacy which can result are definitely worth that risk, as I have personally discovered in the gift of a loving wife.

What are some things you wish you would have done or would have changed before you married?

                One thing in particular that I wish I would have done before I got married was learn to manage a budget reasonably well. My philosophy concerning money has traditionally been, “if the bank account is getting low, just stop spending money and start pinching pennies.” This loose method of financial oversight was okay for a bachelor lifestyle. But in marriage, two people must pull from the same bank account, and so spending must be controlled in a stricter way. Cultivating the skill of keeping a budget earlier in life would have made my current financial responsibilities as a husband much easier. Thankfully, my wife and I are now learning this skill together, but she definitely has more skill to offer in this area than I do.

What were some things that you were looking for in a wife?

                The list of characteristics I was looking for in a potential wife is short: 2 things – (1) she must love the Lord, and (2) I must like her. I don’t remember if someone told me about these two qualifications for marriage, or if I came up with them myself (someone probably told me), but by the time Carrie and I met, these were the only stipulations I had. The list should not be underestimated, however, simply because it’s short. There is so much that goes into each of these things. For a prospective wife to really be recognized as “loving the Lord,” she must be committed to obeying Christ in marriage, for instance, by refusing to ever get a divorce, by seeking to submit to her husband’s loving leadership, by pursuing marital fidelity over a lifetime, and by seeking to serve others in the local church and in the wider community with her husband. I wasn’t looking for moral perfection in a wife, but I was looking for a virtuous woman who was walking in God’s Spirit and displaying the fruits of righteousness. As far as (2) goes—“I must like her”—well, I think this just comes down to chemistry and friendship. If two people are on the same “wavelength,” and are physically attracted to each other, AND are committed to obeying and following Jesus by never getting a divorce, etc., then I think those two people have a good chance at a happy and successful marriage.

What things are you grateful for now that you are married that perhaps you were not expecting or seeking in a wife?

                I am grateful for many things in my marriage, and actually, I was not expecting many of them at all. After I became a Christian eight years ago, I wondered, off and on for years, if I would live a life of singleness and celibacy—that is, if I had “the gift” or not. So, I wasn’t really expecting with any solid assurance to be married in the future. But now that I am married, one thing which I’m very thankful for—and which never ceases to amaze me—is (get ready ladies) the fact that my wife cooks for me. The reality that this beautiful woman I live with actually would, and does, make me food (good food!) blows my mind. This is definitely a traditional domestic set-up, and I think each couple has to work out how their food preparation gets done, but this husband is extremely grateful for a wife who uses her time and creative energy to make food for us. Carrie is definitely a “worker at home,” and I was surely not expecting such diligence and sacrificial love in this area.

What has been the most difficult adjustment since you’ve been married?

     The most difficult adjustment in married life for me has been what I call the “human mirror.” When I lived on my own, I knew that I was a sinner. The grace of God taught me that. But, God in his grace now has a new, more intense, method of showing me my flaws, my weaknesses, and my sins. And this method is directly connected to this other person with whom I now live the majority of my life. The Lord is using my wife, Carrie, in my life as a “human mirror” to reveal my blemishes of thought, word, and deed. It’s not that my wife is a nit-picker, always pointing out all my wrongdoings as soon as I mess up. No. Rather, her very presence as a godly woman is enough. Her presence in my life means that I no longer live by myself. I now live in relationship to another person—and sin, by its very nature, always makes personal relationships turn sour. So, to deal well with other people, one must first deal with themselves. For example, when I fail to love my wife selflessly and she is hurt because of my actions, I must recognize my own selfishness and repent, in order to find her forgiveness and be reconciled with her. The closeness of our daily relationship forces me to look hard in “the mirror” to examine my own heart and life, to see what might be present (or absent) that would disrupt the sweet fellowship we are meant to enjoy in marriage. This process is good for me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way! But looking in the mirror is sometimes difficult, and many times humbling, especially when there are many changes that have to be made.

Owen & Carrie Kelly

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23

Self-control. To control one’s self is definitely easier said than done. I cringe just thinking about how many times in the past day I’ve failed to control my intake of sweets, my selfish attitudes, the hurtful words that have escaped my mouth…how often I procrastinated sitting down to write this post. For some people (of whom I am jealous) self-control seems to come more easily. You know the ones. They exercise religiously, have their lives scheduled to the “t” and live in an impenetrable bubble of peace…as long as everything goes according to plan. This type of self-control isn’t really what the apostle Paul is talking about, though there are aspects of that to it.

The self-control that Paul mentions in Galatians is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. What often doesn’t come across in our English translations is that “the fruit of the Spirit” is singular in the Greek. That means it’s one thing. A set. You can’t have one without the others. They are all intermingled and growing together in the lives of those who are indwelt by the Holy Spirit (i.e. believers). All of these “fruits” are expressions of love—showing joy in our interactions with others is loving to them, being at peace with others is showing love, being patient with others is loving…you catch my drift. It’s no coincidence that love is the first fruit that’s listed. God is love (1 John 4:16); therefore his followers should also be people characterized by love.

Earlier, in the same chapter as our “fruit of the Spirit” verse, the apostle Paul says that “only faith working through love” counts for anything (Galatians 5:5). And later in verses 13-14, we read that we should not use our “freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Much of the Christian life is about putting others before ourselves in servanthood and labors of love. And anything that requires us to turn our attention away from our sinful selves is going to take a lot of self-control.

Cultivating self-control  shows love for God and love for others. For instance, it is loving for me to get up at the crack of dawn so that I can spend time in the Word with the Lord (this takes much, much self-control, two alarm clocks and a husband that won’t let me go back to sleep…he’s a very helpful addition to the routine). Or to exert self-control by limiting my spending so that I can give sacrificially to others in need. Or to stop and listen to someone who is hurting when I have a million things piling up on my plate. Or to drop everything to go hang out with a friend who needs to get out of the house. Self-control does not always mean having all the laundry done and the dishes put away. It’s about discerning what is best and doing it (which may in fact be the dishes and the laundry). 

So how do we grow in this area? In another one of his letters, Paul instructed the older women to teach the younger women “to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:5, emphasis mine). In other words, this can be learned. It is a spiritual fruit so prayer is essential. Ask for it! (Self-control has been on my prayer list for a long time. I’m growing but it’s a work in progress.) When you fall, repent and get back to it. Seek the Lord in his Word, memorize, study, and just read.  

Then read books that help with ordering your life. Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund is a helpful, practical guide for growing in self-control. Find a mentor and/or someone to hold you accountable. After all, it is the older women who are to teach this to the younger. But let me encourage you, growing in self-control is a process. If it isn’t a natural bent for you (like me) then it’s probably going to be slow going…but don’t give up. Keep at it and someday you’ll look back and see that you are a different person than you were—a more self-controlled, loving, Christ-like person.

Carrie Kelly

Do you often remember those times that replay in your mind as if the event happened yesterday?  There is one in particular that happens to apply to the topic of gentleness and even though hurtful, has been used by the Holy Spirit to spur me on to walking in gentleness.

During seminary, one of the guys I dated said these words to me: “You will never be a gentle and quiet spirit.”  When that is one the biblical combinations of traits and define a woman of God – that was one of the most hurtful comments I’ve received in my life.

But, like I said, sometimes that events that hurt us the most in life God uses to make us more like Him.  I won’t say I automatically became a gentle and quiet spirit the next day following that conversation, but I have been seeking to really know what gentleness is and what it isn’t.

There are three main passages that speak of gentleness in the NT: Matthew 5:5 (meek or gentle), Galatians 5:23, and 1 Peter 3:4 – and they all share a common Greek route word: praus (or a form of it).  That word speaks of a disposition of the heart or spirit – not necessarily an outward display.  Let me explain.

I think we often think of gentle women as those who are quiet, never say a word, walk around sheepishly, never wanting to speak up, etc.  This may or MAY NOT BE a gentle spirit.  While at the same time, someone who is loud and jovial and shares her mind and heart often may be a completely gentle woman.

Here are two aspects of gentleness that I’ve learned in more recent times:

1.  Gentleness is a position of the heart.  While I might not be loud and boisterous or even argumentative when I don’t get my way or things seem to be going in a direction other than the way I would have chosen – I might have just gotten good at hiding it.  That’s why what my heart is saying during those times will be the truth revealer of my spirit’s position.  Do I trust, pray, seek God during moments when I’m tempted to not be calm and gentle?  That is why in Galatians it says be filled with the Spirit – be overflowing with Him so in those moments when the Tempter seems great – the Spirit will be greater (in your actions.  The Spirit is always greater)!

2.  One way we can be our own determiner of our spirit’s gentle disposition is when we are corrected.  What is your immediate response when someone corrects you?  Do you put up a fight?  Do you completely shut down?  I would argue that neither of these is the correct response to correction.  If you need to, take time and pray about what was said.  Don’t immediately harbor ill feelings to the one who said it or dismiss it.  God may have well-meant for you to hear that correction.  But, allow your response to the correction to be spirit-filled, calm, meek – knowing that is the correction was wrong – God will be your justifier.

How is God showing you the need for gentleness in your life?  Do you think you can work toward it?  Or are you allowing the Spirit to fully reside in your spirit to prompt and fill you full of Him?

Kimberly Campbell