Category Archives: Top Ten

Top Ten Things I’ll Never Understand

Posted on June 4, 2013 by | Leave a comment

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1. Why, within 48 hours of having my car washed, all the birds in the neighborhood will use it as a latrine.

2. Pantyhose.

3. Kamikaze squirrels that dart out right in front of my car, spaz for a few seconds, and (most of the time) race back to the curb

4. Why anyone would keep a snake as a pet

5. Why I have an unbelievable knack for unintentionally finding the metal foot of my bed with my pinky toe

6. The Duck Dynasty obsession (Sorry, folks. I just don’t get it.)

7. How drivers who clearly don’t know traffic laws manage to get and keep a driver’s license

8. Why traffic lights always turn red and stay red for five minutes when I’m running late, or when there’s no traffic, or both

9. How I always manage to scuff a pair of shoes before I wear them three times

10. Men (but maybe that’s a good thing!)

Bethany Wester

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Top Ten Break-up Lines and Their Translations

Posted on March 5, 2013 by | 2 Comments

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1. I think we should see other people.

Translation: I’ve been dating someone else for a while, and you’ll see my new relationship status on Facebook tomorrow.

2. I’m moving overseas.

Translation:  We stand a better chance of finding Bigfoot than going on another date.

3. I just need to be single right now.

Translation: I’ll call you after football season.

4. I don’t think we’re soulmates.

Translation: I’ve seen Napoleon Dynamite way too many times, and it has warped my view of romance.

5. It’s not you; it’s me.

Translation: I can’t come up with anything better than this cliché.

6. I’m not interested in a serious relationship.

Translation 1: I’m married.

Translation 2: I don’t want the responsibility of marriage.

7. I don’t think we should be together, but that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other.

Translation: I’m more interested in your roommate.

8. I think we need some time apart.

Translation: You’re clingy and that freaks me out.

9. I want to explore other options.

Translation:  I joined e-Harmony.

10. I think we’re in a rut and it’s time to go our separate ways.

Translation: I miss my Wii.

Bethany Wester

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Top Ten Ways to Reinforce Single Woman Stereotypes on Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 12, 2013 by | 1 Comment

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  1. Make a pea shooter out of PVC pipe and load it with candy hearts. Hide in the bushes at work and pelt unsuspecting flower delivery guys as they enter. 
  2. Just for Valentine’s Day, change your ringtone to Taylor Swift’s “Another Picture to Burn.” Jack up the volume and call yourself from another phone every half hour.
  3. Become a Valentine’s Day Scrooge. Every time someone tells you “Happy Valentine’s Day,” respond with “Bah humbug!”
  4. Make a statement tee-shirt that reads “Cupid is a fraud” and wear it — and a sour expression — all day. This pairs well with #3.
  5. Take a safety-pin into the floral department of a grocery store and gleefully begin popping the Valentine’s balloons.
  6. If you aren’t kicked out of the grocery store, buy a roll of cookie dough and a pint of ice cream in every available flavor. At the checkout, begin chowing down on the cookie dough. Give the cashier an icy look when she asks if you found everything you’re looking for.
  7. Post a rant on your Facebook wall on your theory that Valentine’s Day is a conspiracy of the floral, jewelry, greeting card, and candy industries and tag all your “friends.” Comment on your post repeatedly throughout the day. 
  8. On your lunch break, go to the nearest store, pick up one of those iconic heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, and sob inconsolably as you dig in. With chocolate smeared all over your face and fingers, proceed to the greeting card section. With each card you read, increase the volume and frequency of your sobs.
  9. Take a page out of Lucy’s book and try to attract a man by smashing a piano in a fit of hysteria. (Really, this is hilarious!)
  10. Buy a heart-shaped piñata and show no mercy.

Bethany Wester

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Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for the Single Girl

Posted on January 1, 2013 by | 2 Comments

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  1. Resolve to remove the Justin Bieber poster from your cubicle wall. Your coworkers may not be eligible bachelors, but they could know men who are.
  2. Resolve to accessorize tastefully. You are not Mr. T.
  3. Resolve to learn to twirl spaghetti without splattering yourself or your date with sauce, thus raising the likelihood of a second date.
  4. Resolve to learn to walk in the animal print heels you bought yourself for Christmas. You are not attractive in them if you can’t stay vertical.
  5. Resolve not to eat ice cream straight out of the carton, no matter how bad your day was.
  6. Resolve never to perform your NFL-style victory dance at weddings, in the office, at church, at sporting events, or in the presence of any other human being ever again.
  7. You are not Sasquatch. Resolve to shave your legs regularly.
  8. Resolve to clean out your car and discover what causes that revolting odor every time it rains. Disinfect, dispose, bury, or burn as necessary.
  9. Resolve to eat at least one meal a week on a plate while sitting down like a civilized woman. See #7.
  10. Resolve to laugh more!

Happy New Year!!              Bethany Wester

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Top Ten Behaviors That Guarantee You’ll Spend This and Every Christmas Single

Posted on December 18, 2012 by | Leave a comment

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  1. Show up to your Bible study group’s Christmas party so wired from overindulging on sugar during yesterday’s 24-hour TV marathon of Elf that you act like Buddy Elf on a Coca-Cola bender, complete with prolonged burping.
  2. Try to upstage the soloist in the church Christmas musical with your own hip-hop remix of “Mary Did You Know.”
  3. Send sappy Christmas cards to all the single men you know and seal them with a kiss of red lipstick on the envelopes.
  4. Post your worst Christmas photo – the one when you were 13 with braces, wild hair, and the candy cane footie pajamas – as your Match.com profile picture.
  5. Sing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” at the top of your lungs over and over everywhere you go from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Carry sleigh bells for emphasis.
  6. Make a headband with a sprig of mistletoe attached to a wire so that it dangles above you and then wear it to church, puckering your lips at every unmarried man over 18.
  7. Go to the mall and stand outside the jewelry store yelling “Bah humbug!!!” every time a man makes a purchase.
  8. Blend your anticipation of the release of The Hobbit with your desire for marriage and go around leering at married couples’ wedding rings while hissing, “Must. Have. The Precioussss!”
  9. Watch all the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. All of them. You’ll be a blubbering mess and have such an unrealistic view of romance that no one will want to be around you, much less date you.
  10. For the White Elephant gift exchange at the singles’ ministry Christmas party, wrap up a gift certificate for “Date Night with Me,” make sure it’s marked as a guy’s gift, then shriek ecstatically when the lucky fella opens it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Bethany Wester

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Top Ten Reasons to be Grateful for a Season of Singleness

Posted on November 20, 2012 by | 3 Comments

We know that this time of year can be difficult for even the most content singles. So in this special edition of Top 10, we’re laying the jokes aside and sharing with you a few reasons to be thankful for this single season.

  1. You can give your full attention to serving Jesus.
  2. You know that there is a season for everything, and as Paul taught the Philippians, you can be content and rejoice with thanksgiving in all of life’s seasons, however long they may be.
  3. Even if you live miles away from your family or if “home” is not a place of comfort and love, you have a family with deeper, eternal bonds in the church.
  4. Singleness is a gift, although it is sometimes severe. It stretches our faith and teaches us to trust God to sustain us for the present and the future.
  5. While our wedding-obsessed culture tells you your worth lies in your relationship status and material possessions, through your relationship with Christ you have an eternal inheritance that transcends all social boundaries.
  6. You have more time to pursue the degree, career, missions opportunity, or local ministry God has placed before you.
  7. You are a living testimony to a watching world of our all-sufficient God’s ability to provide and care for his children.
  8. While significant others may have broken your heart or never materialized, you can be confident that Jesus will never stand you up, push you away, ignore you, stop loving you, or give up on you.
  9. If you marry, your season of singleness will help you to treasure your spouse as a blessing of God’s favor in answer to your prayers, not someone you managed to attain with your own skills, appearance, or charm.
  10. In the days after Thanksgiving as you force yourself to swallow one more turkey sandwich, remember that whether you marry or remain single, you will never get God’s leftovers. There is no such thing! He is the perfect Father, who loves to give the best to his children.

 Happy Thanksgiving from the contributors of Our Single Purpose!

Bethany Wester

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Top Ten Comments No Single Person Wants to Hear at Thanksgiving

Posted on November 13, 2012 by | 1 Comment

1. If your [deceased relative] were still alive, he/she would be shocked that you’re still single at your age.

2. The adults’ table is full now that your sister-in-law has joined the family. I hope you don’t mind sitting with the kids. Just watch out for Timmy – he’s a biter.

3. Maybe if you changed your hair…

4. You won’t understand until you’re married.

5. Are you seeing anyone? Because if you aren’t, there’s the sweetest guy at work I’d like you to meet, and I’m pretty sure he’s straight.

6. Maybe if you lost a little weight…

7. All your siblings and cousins were married by the time they were 25.

8. Here, just take the whole wishbone. Think of it as the Thanksgiving version
of catching the bouquet. Maybe you’ll have a boyfriend to introduce to us at
Christmas!

9. Maybe if you dressed more stylishly…

10. Remember [certain delinquent from high school]? Well, he’s out of prison and not living in his truck anymore. Interested?

Bethany Wester

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Top 10 Things Married People Should Never Say to a Single Woman

Posted on September 18, 2012 by | 8 Comments

  1. You don’t want to be alone forever, do you?
  2. You just can’t understand patience and responsibility until you’re married.
  3. You’ll find him when you stop looking (which, ironically, is sometimes followed by #4).
  4. Why don’t you try online dating? My neighbor’s daughter’s best friend’s niece met her husband online, and he’s hot!
  5. Don’t you want to be married?
  6. Be sure you get close to the front when the bride tosses the bouquet! You need all the help you can get!
  7. Your parents need grandchildren.
  8. How many times have you been a bridesmaid now?
  9. Have you tried praying for a husband?
  10. Married woman: I know how you feel. For years I thought I would never find a husband, and then I met ____. Single woman: How old were you when you got married? Married woman: 22

Bethany Wester

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