Category Archives: Purpose

The Fruit of the Spirit is: Faithfulness

Posted on May 22, 2013 by | Leave a comment

faithfulness_fruitsOSPBut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23

Psalms 36:5 says “Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.”

Faithfulness is both an attitude and an action shown toward God and toward others. God’s principles do not change and will never fade—they are eternal. This is true of His character as well, which means He is consistent, trustworthy, and committed to providing the very best for His children regardless of how our circumstances may look. He is faithful. Everything around us may seem as if it is falling apart; yet, God is still moving and working—and His purposes will be accomplished. He is faithful.

Time has no effect on God or on how He makes His plans and decisions. Nothing that happens to us in our lives or in this world will ever surprise Him or interrupt what He is achieving for us. This is why we can always count on Him being true to all of the promises He’s made to us. I want to share a few verses of God’s promises of faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22–23 “The LORD’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

Isaiah 40:8 “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.”

Psalm 16:11 “You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

There is no doubt that God can and will keep His promises to us because He is absolutely faithful. The only question is whether we will commit to seeking Him, listening to His commands, watching for His help, and embracing His Word. God wants the very best for us and will never lead us astray. And if we stay in the center of His will, we will experience the very best He has to offer. I read in an article about faithfulness that it is both a passive and active word. The passive aspects include things like commitment, loyalty, steadfastness, endurance, and patience. The active aspects include service, charity, obedience, and walking the talk. I know that sometimes it can be overwhelming to think about it, but remember the law of stewardship. We become faithful in big things by being faithful in little things. Think of some small ways you can be faithful, do those, and as you make a habit of it, you will become faithful.

Karina Lopez

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The Fruit of the Spirit is: Kindness

Posted on May 15, 2013 by | Leave a comment

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We live in a rude, crude world. Kindness is sometimes hard to find in our culture. We all interact daily with people who are inconsiderate, selfish, rude, and just plain ole’ mean!

But…

We serve a kind God.

Don’t we? We see all throughout Scripture the kindness of God. God constantly provided for His children, even after they ran away from Him. He showed kindness to those who were afflicted, poor, and especially to those who feared Him.

God’s character = kindness.

The most amazing part is, God kindness is the characteristic that led God to provide salvation for us. You see, it was His loving kindness that sent Jesus to die on the cross, to arise from the dead, and to have victory over our sin and death!

In Romans 2:4 we see that God’s kindness leads us towards repentance. And we see in Titus 3:4-5: “ But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,  he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy…”

Take a moment and thank God for His kindness in your life.

The only way we can truly understand how to be kind to others is by the example of our Savior, Jesus. Once we recognize the kindness of the Lord in our lives, it spurs us on to spread that kindness.

We must understand the power of kindness.  Mother Teresa said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Kindness is a language that everyone speaks. No matter the language, social or economical barrier you may have with someone, kindness always trumps it.  We can spread the love of Christ exponentially faster with a kind word, act, or smile.

The Fruits of the Spirit can only be developing in my life if I am pursuing a life like Christ. The goal of Christianity is to be like Jesus…and kindness only points us closer in our walk of sanctification. As we develop our walk in Christ, kindness should grow within us.

May our lives be a shining example of the kindness of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

I hope this video will challenge you and bring a smile to your face!

Marlana Kaye

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Confessions of A Single Girl.

Posted on May 13, 2013 by | 1 Comment

by: Erin Gandy; Guest Writer

I thought I would do something a little fun, instead of the continuous serious nature that I’ve had the past two posts.

These may not sound exactly like confessions; some may call them blessings.   We are not guaranteed a husband.  This is not a promise of God.  He promises to sustain us.  And so, while we look to Him to meet all of our needs, there are some confessions/blessings that any single girl can have.  These confessions are mainly mine.  I hope you enjoy!

I am able to eat French fries or Chick-fil-a or a combination of the two at least 4 times a week, if necessary.

I am able to high-tail it to Virginia with a girlfriend to watch a NASCAR race at the Martinsville track. We were probably the only girls by ourselves without a fella, but that’s what we wanted to do.

I am able to travel to fun places – within the boundaries of reasonable travel time and paid time off.  Oh please, can I get back on that ship to the Western Caribbean?

I am able to watch episodes of One Tree Hill and the Newlyweds every single night because I crave it like a boy does SportsCenter. 

I am able to have more Girl’s Nights and keep those friendships intact and refreshed. 

I am able to fully appreciate a 40% off sale at Loft or a 50% off sale at Gap.  Y’all know what I’m talking about!  When the getting is good, you have to go!

I am able to eat rice and beans for consecutive meals.  Though I love my meat, I get just as excited about this!

 I am able to pay for, train and participate in a half marathon! Those things aren’t cheap people!

 I am able to serve my church and go on mission trips to cool places like Prague!

You see, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.  Yes, all those things would be fun with a guy alongside. But that’s not God’s plan for me at this moment.  I hope you are able to see some places in your life where God is allowing you to do things NOW!  Live your life now!

Also, Happy Mother’s Day! Thankful for my mama and her example to me of being a godly woman!

Erin Gandy

Erin GandyErin lives in Raleigh, NC and is originally from Darlington, SC.  She graduated from Southeastern with an MA in Women’s Studies and is currently working as a teller at State Employees Credit Union and writing curriculum for Treasuring Christ in Raleigh.  Erin gets excited about Chick-fil-a, Target, God’s Word and teachable moments, running, a beautiful dress, and Duke basketball.

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The Fruit of the Spirit is: Peace

Posted on May 9, 2013 by | Leave a comment

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23

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When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. – Hymn Written by: Horatio Spadfford

Most of us can point to areas of our lives that cause stress, heartache, and unhappiness. And some of those things we can change; but honestly, many we can’t. Regardless of the situation, anyone can find serenity and calm in Jesus.

My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful” (John 14:27).

Our culture points us to material things, relationships, accomplishments to bring a sense of security. Too many times we expect marriage, sexual intimacy, physical attractiveness, prosperity, or a successful career to bring us peace. But none of these things can guarantee a sense of inner tranquility. Why? Because each one is subject to change and attempting to find peace through something that is always changing doesn’t end well for anyone. God doesn’t promise us a life that is trouble-free but if we have an intimate relationship with Jesus, we can have a quietness that gives us strength so we are not devastated by adversity and heartache.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

I am so thankful for this Scripture. It never fails to surpass all comprehension. It’s unchanging—it doesn’t come and go depending on my circumstances and I am so thankful for that.

Your circumstances might be out of control—or maybe you are simply a little disappointed with the way life has turned out for you so far. You might think that more money, a better job, or a certain relationship could make all the difference in how you feel. But I am convinced that even with all those things, there will still be a sense of restlessness. There is only one source of peace— the God who holds the universe together. You and I can focus on our circumstances and try to manipulate them for our own benefit or we can dwell on negative facts and make ourselves literally sick and ill with worry. That’s just going to leave us with unstable and shaky security. But when we choose to find our peace in the Lord, He will comfort us through our heartaches in life and give us confidence and unshakable security.

Now I’m not gonna pretend that I have it all together. I tend to try and seek peace the same way every else does. I expect to find security in jobs, relationships, wealth, material things, appearance, etc. Wealth disappears, jobs end, relationships fail, material things deteriorate and beauty is fleeting. Even good health is not a guarantee. So much of life is uncertain. But there is only one reliable source of supernatural peace. You and I can and will experience inner serenity that isn’t dependent on circumstances and the secret to this amazing tranquility is surrendering to Jesus. Peace with God is the fruit of oneness with Him. Surrender to Him and you can face every day with a powerful sense of indescribable peace.

Karina Lopez

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The Fruit of the Spirit is: Love

Posted on May 1, 2013 by | Leave a comment

love_fruits_OSP

John Lennon and Paul McCartney once wrote, “All you need is love.” Our culture has a lot to say about love. We use the word rather loosely in ad campaigns and song lyrics, in reference to desserts as well as spouses, from I ♥ NY tee shirts to  ♥☺ bumper stickers. The New Testament has a lot to say about love, too. In fact, agapē and its root word agapaō appear more than 150 times, mostly in the books by John and Paul (the apostles, not the Beatles).

So what is this love that Paul names first among the fruits of the Spirit? It is the distinguishing mark of a Christian. I’m not saying that lightly, either. Jesus uses this word when he defines the greatest commandments as loving God and loving our neighbors (Matt. 22.37-40), and he uses it again to explain that the world will know his followers by their love for one another (John 13.34-35). It is evidence of holiness. As we become increasingly characterized by love, we become more like Jesus, and only followers of Christ can know this love and act on it.

That’s a bold assertion, to say that unbelievers are incapable of experiencing and acting on love. Bold, yes, but biblical. Take a look at what Paul wrote leading up to the verses on the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5.19-22:

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love…

Love is a fruit of the Spirit, not the flesh. This is a supernatural, self-sacrificial love, more than mere affection, and without the Spirit we are incapable of knowing and expressing love as the Bible defines it.  

Love always has an object. The “works of the flesh” in Galatians 5 are all rooted in self-love, self-preservation, self-gratification, because left in our sinful nature, we are selfish, and even our “good” deeds are tainted. This is why Paul repeatedly reminded and encouraged his readers to love one another, because we are so prone to seek our own comforts and protection rather than loving God and our neighbors.

But consider a few of the numerous ways the Bible refers to love.

Love the Lord your God…

Love your neighbor as yourself.

For God so loved the world…

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Love…does not seek its own…

True love – biblical love – is rooted in God’s love, and its objects are God and others. Jesus asked the Father that his followers would “see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world…. that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them” (John 17.24b, 26b). This is the love the Spirit pours out in us – the love God the Father has for God the Son and the Son for the Father. We are given access to this eternal, pure, steadfast love, the love God demonstrated to us through Jesus’s life, death, and resurrection (Rom. 5.8). The ESV Study Bible notes that love comes first in the list of the fruits of the Spirit because “it most clearly reflects the character of God.” Only God the Holy Spirit can produce genuine, self-denying love because God is love and he loved us first (1 John 4.8, 19).

In God’s grace, I still battle my selfish nature, and I daily have to confess unloving attitudes, words, and actions. As the Spirit produces fruit in us, though, he strengthens us to deny these selfish tendencies and directs our wills to choose love. Love unites the church (Col. 3.14b). It supersedes all other spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 13.1-3, 13). It compels us to fulfill the Great Commission (2 Cor. 5.14). It banishes fear because we now find security in Christ (1 John 4.18). In this first fruit of the Spirit, we demonstrate a love that is categorically different from any other definition of love outside of Christ, and “they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”

Heavenly Father, we praise you as the only true, pure, and eternal source of love. Thank you for sharing your love with us. Fill us with your Spirit that the world may see your love for us and through us. May we always keep you as our first love. Amen 

Bethany Wester

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Archive April: Say Instagram!

Posted on April 30, 2013 by | Leave a comment

Originally Posted on January 23, 2013.

 

teen_girlThis time last year, I noticed that I was struggling to have a solid daily quiet time with God. “Why is this so difficult?” I would ask myself. So I began to pray and ask God to show me what it was that I had been doing lately that distracted me from spending time with him. So then I noticed that I was spending a hefty amount of time (like 1-2 hours a day) on Instagram. And not just Instagram….Facebook and Twitter, too. But honestly, my problem, was Instragam. Let’s just say after praying about Instagram, God convicted me of the amount of time I was spending on there. In the beginning, I decided to just delete the app from my phone. This helped me not get distracted as easily. Especially if you are a digital person like me and use YouVersion’s devotional plans. After about 2 months, I felt that I could install Instagram again onto my phone. It hasn’t been as hard to get distracted by it. It’s a great app and can be used for the glory of God, but I think that a lot of us (me included) have been or are using it in the wrong manner.

One of the things I’ve woman_selfienoticed is that people tend to post a lot of pictures of themselves or what we know to be ‘selfies’. You probably know what I am talking about. You can agree or disagree with me but I just want to share with you what I’ve been thinking.

Just imagine if I walked up to you at church and held out my camera…took a picture of myself…then gave it you? Wouldn’t that seem awkward? And weird? We do things on social media that we would never do in real life. Here’s a few Instagram Photo-Types:

- Kids Doing Lame Stuff.

- Cute Baby Photos in Rapid Succession.

- Delicious Food Photos.

- Disgusting Food Photos.

- Self Portraits.

- Landscapes, Cityscapes and Travel Photos.

- Fingers and Toes. (why oh why?!)

- Clocks and Weather.

We can post countless pictures of ourselves smiling or eating or whatever and feel totally normal about it. I’m not saying its wrong…(I have some up myself). What I am saying is…when you look at it from an different perspective, doesn’t this seem a bit strange to you? I came across this quote on gotquestions.org and thought they summarized it pretty well.

Christians should be aware of the danger of the narcissism (excessive self-love and preoccupation with self) inherent in self-oriented sites. Studies have shown that overuse or wrong motives in social media participation can breed narcissism. When we rely on social media sites primarily to promote ourselves or draw attention to ourselves, it is time to take a step back.

Narcissism is the term used in psychology to describe a preoccupation with self. It is a Greek term taken from the name of the mythological Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image and was doomed to die because he would not turn away from it. A narcissist is a person who displays a high level of selfishness, vanity, and pride. He sees everything from a “how does this affect me?” perspective. Empathy is impossible for the narcissist because his only perspective is the one centered on self.

Besides the issue of social media in general being a time-waster, I think narcissism can be one of our biggest problems. We post pictures of ourselves and wait. For what? Wait for the compliments to flow in. Why? So that we feel good—(who doesn’t love it when people tell them how pretty or beautiful they look?) Just double-tap it and it adds another number next to the little heart. But could these selfies be another way we are focusing our attention and time on ourselves rather than focusing on God? I can’t help but think of this verse:

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

  • Do I spend more time on Instagram than I do in God’s word?
  • Is Instagram being used as a tool to promote God or just myself?
  • What is my goal within Instagram and posting a “selfie”?

I think Instagram is a great app. But I want to challenge you to take a step back and evaluate your time and what you post on Instagram, like I did. When I stepped back, I noticed there were definitely some things wrong with it in my own life.

So…what do you girls think about Instagram? Share your thoughts.

Karina Lopez

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Archive April: Worth the Wait.

Posted on April 25, 2013 by | Leave a comment

Originally posted on: November 19, 2012

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4

It’s my birthday month! I turn 35 this year…gulp…and next month, I get to marry the most amazing man I’ve ever met! Believe me, waiting until you’re 35 to marry is a looooooong time to wait. But I wouldn’t change a thing. God’s plans are so much better than mine.

Let’s rewind the clock about ten years.  I would have been 25 years old, and to my mind at the time, the perfect age to marry (actually earlier but I would have settled to be married at 25). I was heading off to seminary ready to meet the love of my life, conquer my master’s degree, and face the world serving the Lord by my husband’s side. I was full of excitement, naivety and self-righteousness, and had lots of growing to do in all areas of life. My now fiancé, however, was living the life of an unbeliever. God wasn’t even on his radar at that time. If we would have met then, I would have either been witnessing to him or completely ignoring him!

Fast forward to about 5 years ago. I would have been turning 30, and to my mind way behind schedule to get married and start a family. I had graduated from seminary and was working full time (at a job where neither of my degrees were necessary), and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was learning much about life and going through a lot of heart-ache. My future husband was in another state and had only been a Christian for about 3 years. He was learning much of Christ and planning to start college soon. He was focused on growing as a new creation and not even thinking about girls. If we had met then, he wouldn’t have even noticed me.

Now let’s skip ahead to last year at this time. I was about to turn 34, and had (mostly) made peace with my singleness and God’s good plan for my life. I didn’t know if I would ever marry and I was generally ok with that. It was no longer essential for a good life for me. I was happy in my little home with the ministries that the Lord had given me and was going about life just fine. There were times when being on my own was difficult and was the last thing I wanted, but there were also days when I couldn’t imagine being “tethered” to someone else and enjoyed my life as a single.

Then in March of this year, a friend of mine told me about a man from my home church who was coming to the school where I work and asked me to help him find his way around. Little did I know when I contacted him with purely helpful intentions that we’d be getting married by the end of the year (If you want to read more of our story, you can read these two posts on my blog: Surprised by Love Once Again and Life on the Fast Track).

God’s timing is perfect and it’s definitely worth the wait. All those years of longing, unanswered prayers, and missing a man that I had never met have all been forgotten. The waiting was difficult but I learned so much from it. And waiting doesn’t stop when you get what you’ve been waiting for. No, you just have to wait for something else. So learning to wait well is good and is a fruit of the Spirit (patience) that needs to be cultivated (which means effort and practice as we learn to deny ourselves and live by the Spirit).

So press on, dear ones! Keep seeking the Lord and following hard after Him. He is for you and is not withholding anything from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11). He is not spiteful or teasing you by dangling the gift of marriage in front of you but only giving it to others. He is generous and a good gift giver–giving to each person what is perfectly suited for them in every season of life. Therefore, if marriage is good for you then God will bring that to you at His perfect time and in His perfect way. He will guide your path, and the path of your spouse just as He has done for centuries to bring about His good plans, so there’s no need to worry (visit my post Worrisome Birds …which I wrote when I was very single…for more on the theme of God’s perfect timing and providence). Put your trust in His faithfulness and love for you.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” - Lamentations 3:22-25

Carrie Pickelsimer

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Archive April: O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Posted on April 2, 2013 by | Leave a comment
Originally Posted on: October 29, 2012 
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O Love That Will Not Let Me Go 
This is a title to a hymn written by George Matheson in 1882. I recently heard the story behind this old beautiful hymn and it touched me so deeply. I love hearing the meaning behind songs because it makes them even that much more meaningful. George Matheson wrote this as a single man on the day of his sisters wedding. Yep, you guessed it. He was lonely. Here is what he wrote in his journal about that day.
“My hymn was composed in the manse of Inellan on the evening of June 6, 1882.  I was at that time alone.  It was the day of my sister’s marriage, and the rest of my family were staying overnight in Glasgow.  Something had happened to me which was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe mental suffering.  The hymn was the fruit of that suffering.  It was the quickest bit of work I ever did in my life.  I had the impression of having it dictated to me by some inward voice than of working it out myself.  I am quite sure that the whole work was completed in five minutes, and equally sure that it never received at my hands any retouching or correction.”

He didn’t mention in his journal what had caused him this “most sever mental suffering”, but most have suspected it had to do with the heartbreak he experienced from a woman he loved. Matheson struggled with poor eyesight his entire life and it increasingly became worse the older he became. His fiancee had broken her engagement to him, telling him that she couldn’t see herself going through life married to a blind man.  Matheson never married, and it seems likely that his sister’s wedding brought to memory the woman that he had loved and the wedding that he had never enjoyed. Take a minute and read this beautiful hymn.

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

How many of us would write such beautiful truths on the loneliest night of our lives? I think we would more likely write something to the effect of, “Poor me. I am always going to be alone. God why are you looking down upon me and not blessing me with a mate? I will never be happy. Woe is me.”

Matheson could have done this. Easily. Instead, he chose to celebrate the consistency of God’s love – “love that wilt not let me go” – “light that follow’st all my way” – “joy that seekest me through pain.”

As this hymn reveals, it was his faith in God that kept him going through the heartbreak that he suffered.  He believed that God’s love would not let him go, and that God’s light would follow him all his way, and that God’s joy would seek him through his pain, and that faith made all the difference.
I don’t know about you…but that sure is convicting to me.

                                                                                                Marlana Kaye

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Archive April!!

Posted on April 1, 2013 by | 1 Comment

Today we celebrate our One Year Anniversary here at OurSinglePurpose! God has blessed and exceeded our expectations way beyond we could ever imagine! Here are just a few testimonies of how we have seen God work over the past year:

I just wanted to let you know just how much “Our Single Purpose” blog has been such a tremendous blessing to me.  Although I am now 26 years old and at the prime age to be married, I have found comfort through single friends that are in the same boat as I am in but also through sisters in Christ that I do not know.  God is working in me especially in this season of singleness, and I have finally found contentment in Christ that I cannot describe.  I know that this blog has been a part of helping me find the contentment that Christ so desperately has been trying to offer me for years! Thank you to all the contributors for allowing the Lord to use you and sharing your hearts because you have encouraged me and so many other ladies that are in this season of life.

I thought that what you wrote on OurSinglePurpose was encouraging and reminded me of the place I was in for such a long time…! However, within the past few months, the Lord has really given me peace and a renewed spirit of joy for where He has me at this season in my life. I am so glad that He is sovereign and that I am not in control because I would definitely mess everything up! Praise the Lord for His comfort and peace that passes all understanding! Even for something as “trivial” as a past relationship.

I just wanted you to know that I do read the blog that you contribute to. I have really benefited from reading it. I have recently felt like I’ve turned a new leaf in my life, becoming more independent in the Lord and realizing that I don’t need a man to make my life complete. I am excited about what God is doing in my life and the change he is bringing to the person who I am. Thank you for addressing the need of many women these days; the need to know that life doesn’t start at the beginning of a relationship, rather at the beginning of the relationship we have with Christ.

I want to say a thank you to all of our contributors! I cannot tell you how amazing they are. They have had so much courage over the past year to be honest and transparent. Time and time again, they have written from their heart about their own personal walk with the Lord and singleness. God has blessed me tremendously with not only their encouragement through OSP, but their incredible friendship.

I want to especially take the time to thank you for being a part of this amazing ministry. We are in the process of praying and planning the future of OSP. Please say a special prayer for this blog and where the Lord is leading us. Ephesians 3:20-21 will be our focus prayer,

“Lord we know you are able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. We desire for You receive glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen”

archiveapril

During the month of Archive April we will celebrate by bringing back our favorite posts from the past year! We pray that you will be encouraged through these posts whether you are a new follower, or have been a follower from the very beginning. May God continue to bless you and your desire to glorify Him in your singleness!

Marlana Kaye

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Friend To The Suffering.

Posted on March 26, 2013 by | Leave a comment

A friend loves at all times. – Proverbs 17:17

A friend sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

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Last year, I learned a lot about friendships. I have learned what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend. Unfortunately, I have learned a lot of the latter by my own mistakes. I have also learned this from watching and observing acts of kindness from some of my amazing friends. One huge way I have learned about friendships this year is through walking with my momma through her battle with cancer.  I have witnessed amazing prayer warriors fight the fight right alongside us. One of my momma’s friends sent her a card every day for 3 months-It was unbelievable! But unfortunately, I have seen the other side of this too.

I know many friends mean well and want to help, but don’t know what to do or say when a friend is suffering. I have had so so so so many loving and well-meaning people tell me that they have meant to call or write or visit but they just don’t know what to say, or they just don’t want to inconvenience my momma at the wrong time. As much as I appreciate the thought and the desire to contact and encourage my momma, it really doesn’t mean much if they don’t ever actually do it. I have been frustrated with the thought that sometimes we as believers don’t really know how to be a good friend to someone who is suffering and going through a trial. So, I’ve decided to put together a list (in progress) to help me and you know how to be a better friend to someone who is suffering. Here are some things that I have learned through my own experience as well as watching my momma and her friends.

10 Ways To Be a Friend To Someone Who Is Suffering:

  1. Let your friend know you love them. This is so important. Yes you can do this in many ways by your actions, but words are important too. Call them, visit them, write them just to tell them you love them.
  2. Prayer. Prayer can mean more than anything else you can give someone. Pray for them daily, and let them know you are praying for them. Ask them for specific things you can be praying about.
  3. Cards. Cards mean the world to someone who is suffering. Opening up a sweet, Scripture-based, or funny card can brighten up anyone’s day, especially if you are in the midst of a trial.
  4. Do what you say you are going to do. Don’t say you are going to call soon or visit soon or write soon if you aren’t really going to do it. These are empty words and do not go very far with someone who is suffering. Realize this may get your friends hopes up. They will only wait around for this to happen only to be disappointed that you didn’t follow through with your good intentions.
  5. Help your friend be a good friend. Help your friend keep an active role in the friendship by asking advice, opinions, and questions. I know when someone asks my momma for prayer, she is overjoyed to have the opportunity to serve them through prayer.
  6. Be compassionate during the hard times. Support your friend’s feelings. Allow them to be negative, withdrawn or silent. Realize that they are in a hard place and show compassion.
  7. Don’t offer medical advice, unless you are qualified. If your friend is having health problems, they are relying on the doctor for their diagnosis and treatment, not you.
  8. Be flexible. Realize that your friend may not be able to plan or schedule a date a week in advance or even a day in advance because of the uncertainty of their life circumstances. Call at random times to see if they are able to just get out and go riding in the car, go grab a cold drink from Sonic, or even just watch a movie at the house.
  9. Help the caregiver. Care-giving can be exhausting and can be emotionally draining. Come over and clean, mow the lawn, or bring dinner. Do not just offer, because more than likely the caregiver will not accept–so just do it.
  10. Don’t ever assume that your friend will ask for help if they need it. Ask regularly about specific things that they may need help with. Many people say, “Call me if you need anything.” This is sweet but too generic and many times your friend will not take you up on that. Better questions to ask are, “Where can I drive you this week?”, or “When can I bring you dinner this week?”, or “I’m at the store, I’ve picked you up a couple of things, what else can I bring you?” Be specific in asking for their needs.

Of course there are many other things you can do to help your friend: listen, take them to a doctor’s appointment, bring them planted flowers, bring a meal, print off some jokes to cheer up their day, give them audiobooks to give them something to do, keep them updated on the news or church events (let them know when there is a wedding or baby shower), take your friend for a walk…the possibilities are endless!

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

 Marlana Branning

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