Originally Posted on: December 10, 2012
I was never a girl scout, but I like to be prepared. I’m not a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. So I make lists, lots of lists. I have to-do lists, grocery lists, prayer lists, reading lists, packing lists, hit lists (I’m kidding on that last one… just seeing if you’re paying attention). My favorite list is my annual Christmas list of gifts for my family and friends. I have another list, too. It’s a list of the characteristics I desire in my husband. Before you chastise me for being picky, let me explain – and go ahead and own it, you know you have your own list, even if it’s only a mental one! My list is not superficial. It’s essentially a prayer list and has everything to do with my future husband’s character and nothing to do with his material possessions, social status, or stunning good looks.
Throughout Scripture, God reveals numerous characteristics of manhood that he desires his adopted sons to develop, and we as their sisters in Christ should encourage and seek these God-honoring qualities in the men we date and eventually marry. So, I ask God to develop these characteristics in my future husband, knowing that they will be good for him and eventually for our family, and I pray that God will protect him from temptations that hinder these characteristics, such as greed, pornography, laziness, arrogance, and the wiles of unscrupulous women. Amelia wrote about praying for our future husbands in a post on Our Single Purpose earlier this year, so I won’t re-hash it here. If you’re wondering where to begin praying for your husband, check out Amelia’s post.
In addition to the list of characteristics that I want in my future husband, there’s something that I ask for him when I talk with the Lord about him. I ask that God will shape me into a gift for him, a blessing, a treasure to be cherished and guarded (Prov. 5.18; 12.4; 31.10). So often our expectations for our husbands both before and after marriage can be self-centered, even if the characteristics we seek are good. We want their strength, leadership, love, and protection. While these are qualities our husbands should possess and cultivate, if we merely see them as how they will benefit us, we will neglect cultivating our own characters in ways that will bless and encourage them. If marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church, then asking God to prepare us for marriage can be something of a reflection of how he is sanctifying the church to prepare her for Christ’s return, when he will present her spotless before the Father (Rev. 19.7-8; 2 Corinthians 11.2).
So I pray that the Lord will teach me to be humble, not quarrelsome but peaceable, and gentle. I pray that he will give me inner beauty that comes from resting in Christ, peace, courage, understanding, wisdom, discernment, strength, resourcefulness, faithfulness, and a number of other qualities of womanhood we find in God’s Word. I ask God to make me fit for my husband, so that I’ll be a help to him and not a hindrance, eager to serve God beside him. I pray that he is shaping me even in small ways that I may not notice now but will be essential to a marriage that reflects Jesus’ relationship to the Church and will stand firm in a culture that devalues marriage at every turn (Eph. 5.22-33). When my husband thinks longingly of his earthly home, I want him to think, not of his man cave, but of me and find comfort and peace there.
Four Old Testament couples inspired me to begin praying this way: Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth. First, I love how God placed each of these women in her husband’s life. He formed Eve out of raw material and brought her to a sleeping Adam. He led Abraham’s servant directly to Rebekah, who willingly hopped on a camel against her family’s desires for her to linger, and rode to Isaac while he prayed in a field. God brought Rachel to the well to meet Jacob at the end of a tense escape from his twin’s murderous intents. Through sorrow and difficulty he led Ruth straight to Boaz’s fields. But what moves me even more is how each man reacted to God’s gift of his wife.
When God awakened Adam and he saw Eve for the first time, he rejoiced and worshiped God. After naming all the animals and seeing none that was an appropriate companion for him, he recognized God’s perfectly formed creation, made just for him, in Eve (Gen. 2.18-23). When Isaac saw Rebekah riding up in the caravan, he married her right away, loved her, and was comforted by her presence after mourning his mother’s death (Gen. 24). Jacob kissed Rachel at first sight and wept. He wept! Then he worked 14 years for the privilege of marrying her (Gen. 27.41-45; 29.9-30). Boaz, a little slower to come around than the other three, protected Ruth in her vulnerability, saw the beauty of her resourcefulness and strength in caring for her mother-in-law in a foreign country, and honorably pursued her by working through the proper channels to make her his wife (Ruth 2-4).
These feminine qualities aren’t just for marriage, though. They are becoming of any woman who follows Jesus. So while they will be a gift for a future husband, they are also a gift to the church, my brothers and sisters, married and single, old and young. The womanly qualities I pray for only come through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit; they certainly don’t come naturally to me! I should grow in these qualities of godly womanhood as I mature in my discipleship, regardless of whether I marry, and if I marry, these are the qualities I want my husband to see in me and find attractive. May he see God’s work, and may that drive him to worship God, rejoice, and pursue me with gentlemanly honor. Weeping is optional.
Bethany Wester
