This is a hard topic. Married and single friends do not always mix. Maybe it’s like a cultural thing. Once a girl gets married, she almost feels like she has to say goodbye to all her single friends. I have seen this time and time again. It’s like a single girl only has single friends and a married girl only has married friends. Why? Because it is easier that way. Many singles feel frustrated with their friends who get married…and vice versa. Yes, friendships do change after marriage. Change is inevitable. But, I believe that there is a balance that can be achieved when single and married ladies are friends.
From a single gal, here are my thoughts on how my married friends can encourage me and their single friends:
Show us what a godly family looks like.
We want to see you interacting with your husband and kids. We need to see you interact with your family. It is extremely healthy for us to watch the way you handle your personal relationships. Invite us to go out to dinner with you and your husband, or go to a theme park with your kids.
ON THE FLIP SIDE:
- We do not need to see you make out with your husband. (Single ladies, can I get an “Amen”?) Affection is acceptable at times, but please don’t rub your affections in our face.
- We do not need to spend all our friend time with both you and your husband-give us some girl time. Same thing with your kids-we love your kids, but we honestly don’t always want them tagging along.
Let us into your personal life.
As single ladies, we want to be a part of what is going on in your heart. We want to pray with you. We want to hear your struggles, anxieties, and fears. We are just as much a woman as any married lady and want to walk with you in this life. We may not be married, but we can offer advice and godly counsel. Let us into your personal life…we do care!
ON THE FLIP SIDE:
- Don’t talk to us about your sex life. We don’t care. We don’t wanna know. And more importantly, we don’t need to know. Period.
Be mindful of our feelings.
Realize that your single friend is in a completely different season of life than you. Please be considerate when offering advice. Sometimes, us single girls can take your advice too personal. We honestly don’t think you have a clue to what you are talking about…only because you are married. Please don’t say, “I totally remember what it is like to be single.” (Especially if you were 21 when you got married!)
ON THE FLIP SIDE:
- Offer advice and encouragement as much and as often as you can! Remember that singles don’t often have anyone daily in their life to share what is going on in their hearts.
Be intentional by making us a priority.
Sometimes, we just don’t feel like we are a priority anymore once the wedding bells chime. Yes, your priorities should shift to your home. We want your husband and children to be your main priority. But, don’t forget about us. Be intentional about reaching out to us. Most of the time, we’ll get frustrated that we can’t ever seem to talk to you without screaming babies or prying husbands at the other end of the phone. Make time. Be intentional.
ON THE FLIP SIDE:
- Realize that we singles have a life. Don’t assume that because we are single, we aren’t busy. We should desire for your friendship to be a priority as well, but can’t always fit into your schedule. Sometimes, try to meet us where we are.
Intentionality is key when it comes to maintaining these friendships. Stay tuned-Wednesday we will hear from Amelia on how single ladies can encourage their married friends!
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