Below is a post I wrote recently for My Walk of Grace, and I thought I would share it here as well.
In February, my sweet friend Renee Fisher released her second devotional, “Not Another Dating Book a Devotional Guide to ALL Your Relationships.” It is a must read, and I would highly recommend it to all single ladies. It is a refreshing devotional that not only addresses issues in dating, but more importantly encourages the reader to fall in love with Jesus Christ who should be their first love. When reading it each day, I felt like I was sitting with a friend having coffee discussing God and life. Renee graciously agreed to do an interview with me, and below are some questions taken from a group of 20-something women on the topic of relationships. To read more from Renee please visit her website, Devotional Diva.
- Christian 20 something guys and girls are different, how should each best guard themselves in today’s disposable relationship society?
“Unfortunately/fortunately I was never the type to date just to date. I wanted to. I wanted a relationship, and I think God saw that I wouldn’t be able to take the dating and breaking up because of how attached I get. Not to say that others don’t get attached…but for me–I spent so much of my single life focusing on what God had for me including school and ministry that I didn’t get caught up in the disposable relationship category. However, if it does happen to you just know that you can’t control anyone but yourself. No matter how painful or how much you think “God told you” the other person is free to make their own decisions even if you don’t agree with them. As you give God your all, He will help you guard your heart, mind, body, and soul.”
- What do you think about flirting?
“Flirting is fun. It can be a great icebreaker when you’re getting to know someone–especially someone you like. It can also let the person you’re interested know you’re available. Without realizing it, being overly flirtatious can cause negative attention and put you in bad circumstances. For instance, what happens when a guy doesn’t stop at “no.” Be mindful of who you’re flirting with and what your motives are.”
- Is there such a thing as flirting in a Godly way?
“I think so. When you like someone, it’s okay to let him or her know that you’re available and that you’re interested. Look at Rahab, Ruth, or Rebekah. Three women God used because they were willing and available.”
- What advice would you give to 20-something single girls when talking to guys and not leading them on?
“That’s a hard question to answer. I don’t think there’s a general rule because some people are shy and others are outgoing. For me, I’d use keywords like “friends”, make sure I’m not flirting with them, and not hanging out with a guy alone into all hours of the night.”
- What advice would you give someone whose roommate wanted her boyfriend to stay the night?
“I got put in this position a few times. Personally, I was uncomfortable with it–period. Know what your boundaries are and ask your roommates to come to an agreement together–if at all possible.”
- What are your thoughts on online dating?
“Be careful. I know some people who have met their spouses online. I also know some people–including myself who ended up in a sticky situation because I didn’t realize the guy would end up being a creep. Use discretion and make sure you plan your dates out in a public place. Also, let a friend know where you are so he or she can keep tabs on you just in case the person isn’t who they say they are!”
- If your parents are not Christian, but you are, what advice would you give a girl particularly, in getting guy acceptance from her parents?
“A guy can earn respect even if your parents are not Christians. I think most people respect people who are respectable. Maybe the dad wouldn’t be comfortable with a guy asking for permission to date his daughter, but he would probably appreciate asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage.”
- What are some ways friends can encourage each other during their season of waiting for God to send them a spouse?
“I am so grateful for all the friendships God brought into my life as a single person. Sometimes they were single; sometimes they were married, and other times they got married while I was still single. I think it’s important to befriend different types of relationships God brings into your life so you don’t feel stuck. Those who are married can encourage you that God CAN and WILL bring you a spouse–if it’s His will. Those who are single can spend more time with you, encouraging you, and being a friend.”
- As a married woman, what advice would you give to single ladies as they continue to prepare their hearts for the one God has for them?
“Once you’re married the process doesn’t stop, but it changes. I’ve seen now in the past 6 months of marriage how my insecurities are only magnified. Take the time to face your fears and go with God on an adventure. Find out what you like and what makes you tick. Realize your identity is found in Christ–not a relationship, job title, or your bank account.”
- Any other thoughts you would like to share?
“Psalm 37:1 is my favorite verse when it comes to dating. Don’t fret about evil guys (the bad boy) or be envious of those who do wrong (those you wish you were dating). Let God bring you the right guy–even if that means waiting longer than expected. It’s worth it.”
Get your copy of “Not Another Dating Book” here.